Desperate need of advice please

This can be hard on any parent. Biological Anxiety and Biological Depression are completely different, in fact, for Autistics who have severe biological anxiety, anti-depressants will make it worse, while while various food-source and medical-based help (even in micro doses) can be far more suitable. I've mentioned some ideas in this thread https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/35037/panic-attacks

However, there can always be social and environmental factors which, when fixed, might then turn his feeling of survival in to thriving. 

At this age, we want to think of a hopeful future, something to thrive toward and 'win' at. We need to feel a sense of agency, competence and have even a few valuable relationships. Of course what a parent might see - a potential or a better perspective, might not be how a child encounters life. 

The connexion between ADHD and Autism can be specific. There's a great deal of disparate studies out, and I've discovered some studies overlap, but it seems there are some connexions (and again, without repeating everything, I've explained findings in this thread https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/34916/is-it-possible-to-go-in-for-an-autism-assessment-and-come-out-with-an-adhd-diagnosis/338664#338664) From what I can gather, one seemingly fundamental difference is Autism tends to have a difficulty in some degree or another with language (edit: or simply a different way of using a more functional language rather than symbolic). And this impacts education & growth, social relationships, which all impact our ability to make informed and helpful choices including friendships, which impacts our ability to feel confidence and a sense of grounding and belonging.

As a mum of a son, I tried to help support mine at that age in things he was good at. And being from a family of maths/science techs, everyone played video games as a means of rejuvenation and even healthy escape and even entertainment. One brother still went into neuroscience, another works at a facility like CERN and another is a maths professor, so the gaming did not hurt anyone's future :)  All to say, perhaps for now, instead of self-harm, if he's interested in these, they can be a good way to get through a difficult time. 

This can be hard on any parent. Biological Anxiety and Biological Depression are completely different, in fact, for Autistics who have severe biological anxiety, anti-depressants will make it worse, while while various food-source and medical-based help (even in micro doses) can be far more suitable. I've mentioned some ideas in this thread https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/35037/panic-attacks

However, there can always be social and environmental factors which, when fixed, might then turn his feeling of survival in to thriving. 

At this age, we want to think of a hopeful future, something to thrive toward and 'win' at. We need to feel a sense of agency, competence and have even a few valuable relationships. Of course what a parent might see - a potential or a better perspective, might not be how a child encounters life. 

The connexion between ADHD and Autism can be specific. There's a great deal of disparate studies out, and I've discovered some studies overlap, but it seems there are some connexions (and again, without repeating everything, I've explained findings in this thread https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/34916/is-it-possible-to-go-in-for-an-autism-assessment-and-come-out-with-an-adhd-diagnosis/338664#338664) From what I can gather, one seemingly fundamental difference is Autism tends to have a difficulty in some degree or another with language (edit: or simply a different way of using a more functional language rather than symbolic). And this impacts education & growth, social relationships, which all impact our ability to make informed and helpful choices including friendships, which impacts our ability to feel confidence and a sense of grounding and belonging.

As a mum of a son, I tried to help support mine at that age in things he was good at. And being from a family of maths/science techs, everyone played video games as a means of rejuvenation and even healthy escape and even entertainment. One brother still went into neuroscience, another works at a facility like CERN and another is a maths professor, so the gaming did not hurt anyone's future :)  All to say, perhaps for now, instead of self-harm, if he's interested in these, they can be a good way to get through a difficult time.