Violent behaviour

It does seem that the root of the issues is happening at school. So often autistic children can mask their distress throughout the school day and then explode at home. If she is burnt out and overwhelmed by the pressures of school then meltdowns will likely happen more frequently and be more intense.

Prevention is better than cure when it comes to meltdowns, so you do need to be working with the school to find out what accommodations can be put in place to make the experience more tolerable for her. Don't let them fob you off with she's 'mild' and has no issues at school. There isn't such a thing as mild autism and she is clearly struggling a great deal with the effects of school.

NAS90825 said:

She is the master of masking and so when at home is exhausted. As a result she sits in her room for hours on end on her phone or watching tv.. I do understand why this is but life for the rest of the family stops.

I understand this too. At her age I used to spend most of my time at home alone in my room. Autistic people need alone time to recover like they need air to breathe. It's important that she feels safe there and can be left alone uninterrupted. She will emerge into the family space once she is ready.

What I don't understand is why life for the rest of the family stops when your daughter is in her room? Can't you just leave her to it and get on with your life? 

She will likely find interruptions greatly distressing and this may be triggering her meltdowns. In such an overwhelmed state processing verbal communication may be beyond her reach. If you can try and use a method of communication that works with her. For example sending a text or email, rather than speaking, to ask something. Alternatively pushing a written note under the door of her room.

It does seem that the root of the issues is happening at school. So often autistic children can mask their distress throughout the school day and then explode at home. If she is burnt out and overwhelmed by the pressures of school then meltdowns will likely happen more frequently and be more intense.

Prevention is better than cure when it comes to meltdowns, so you do need to be working with the school to find out what accommodations can be put in place to make the experience more tolerable for her. Don't let them fob you off with she's 'mild' and has no issues at school. There isn't such a thing as mild autism and she is clearly struggling a great deal with the effects of school.

NAS90825 said:

She is the master of masking and so when at home is exhausted. As a result she sits in her room for hours on end on her phone or watching tv.. I do understand why this is but life for the rest of the family stops.

I understand this too. At her age I used to spend most of my time at home alone in my room. Autistic people need alone time to recover like they need air to breathe. It's important that she feels safe there and can be left alone uninterrupted. She will emerge into the family space once she is ready.

What I don't understand is why life for the rest of the family stops when your daughter is in her room? Can't you just leave her to it and get on with your life? 

She will likely find interruptions greatly distressing and this may be triggering her meltdowns. In such an overwhelmed state processing verbal communication may be beyond her reach. If you can try and use a method of communication that works with her. For example sending a text or email, rather than speaking, to ask something. Alternatively pushing a written note under the door of her room.