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Violent behaviour

NAS90825

I’m mum to a 12 year old diagnosed with asd when she was 9.. although the paediatrician seemed reluctant and said it was mild. We were diagnosed and deserted. Sadly we are struggling hugely with her behaviour. She is the master of masking and so when at home is exhausted. As a result she sits in her room for hours on end on her phone or watching tv.. I do understand why this is but life for the rest of the family stops. She won’t allow us to speak to her or ask her anything and if we do it results in a meltdown. This escalates very quickly and ends now in her hitting or kicking us. 

Parents

  • TRIGGER WARNING - Talk of stabbing below -

    Escalation of this type, at this age, with these results......CAN'T be a good thing.  If she becomes accustomed to directing intentional violence on you at the age of 12.......what might she do to herself, you or one of her peers, when she has reached 16 years old?!

    Personally, I think intentional violence is THE red line - ie cannot be crossed without major sanctions resulting.

    It is very important for all of us - whether autistic or otherwise - to know/learn that punching and/or kicking other humans is not an acceptable mode of behaviour except for a few highly unusual circumstances.  We must find ways to channel that type of energy away from violent expressions against other humans and animals.

    If you "let" her do this to you (without major sanction) she may become desensitised to the IRL consequences of behaving like that around someone meaner, angrier, more anxious than herself.....who also happens to carry a shank!  Many teenagers seem to be stabbing each other to death these days !

    I have no special expertise nor competencies in this area so this is just my opinion based on a few circumstances that I have vicariously lived through with varying degrees of proximity.  So although I think you MUST do SOMETHING - the "what" and "how" is beyond my range.

    Perhaps my words above are a pretty vacuous and self-evident commentary, in the style of "that bloke down the pub said....", BUT, for what its worth, very loving and nice and good parents that I know who tried to keep everything as "nice" as possible for as "long" as possible.....have ALWAYS regretted their lack of "hard choices" at an earlier stage of their journey.

    I do hope that you and your daughter can find an amicable way forward that improves your current situation for all concerned.

    I wish you all the luck and fortitude in the world.

    Kind regards

    Number.

Reply

  • TRIGGER WARNING - Talk of stabbing below -

    Escalation of this type, at this age, with these results......CAN'T be a good thing.  If she becomes accustomed to directing intentional violence on you at the age of 12.......what might she do to herself, you or one of her peers, when she has reached 16 years old?!

    Personally, I think intentional violence is THE red line - ie cannot be crossed without major sanctions resulting.

    It is very important for all of us - whether autistic or otherwise - to know/learn that punching and/or kicking other humans is not an acceptable mode of behaviour except for a few highly unusual circumstances.  We must find ways to channel that type of energy away from violent expressions against other humans and animals.

    If you "let" her do this to you (without major sanction) she may become desensitised to the IRL consequences of behaving like that around someone meaner, angrier, more anxious than herself.....who also happens to carry a shank!  Many teenagers seem to be stabbing each other to death these days !

    I have no special expertise nor competencies in this area so this is just my opinion based on a few circumstances that I have vicariously lived through with varying degrees of proximity.  So although I think you MUST do SOMETHING - the "what" and "how" is beyond my range.

    Perhaps my words above are a pretty vacuous and self-evident commentary, in the style of "that bloke down the pub said....", BUT, for what its worth, very loving and nice and good parents that I know who tried to keep everything as "nice" as possible for as "long" as possible.....have ALWAYS regretted their lack of "hard choices" at an earlier stage of their journey.

    I do hope that you and your daughter can find an amicable way forward that improves your current situation for all concerned.

    I wish you all the luck and fortitude in the world.

    Kind regards

    Number.

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