• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 68 subscribers
  • Views 1146 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Autistic Father & Daughter not responding

Rocketboy

Hello,

firstly to the forum admin, this is a site for people with ASD, please put ‘log in’ on the homepage so we don’t have to navigate to it! Christ! 

So, todays issue Id like to discuss and get some likeminded opinion on is difficulty with unresponsive teenagers and understanding what’s going on.

I have a fifteen year old daughter who lives with her mother 60 miles from me. I am my daughter’s biological father, I was present at her birth, I lived with her and her mother until her mother left me when she was five. I have always been regularly present in her life until recently, despite asking her to contact me once in a while (rather than the other way around) because it’s important for me to feel loved by her and relevant to her, she just doesn’t, which is hard for me to understand and navigate.

My cognitive function is high so thankfully I am able to understand most aspects of life perfectly well…except some human behaviour which is bewildering.

I have recently spoken to my daughters mother (who refuses to accept or acknowledge my ASD diagnosis) about this and her response is ‘she’s busy with study’.

It only takes a minute to text someone so I don’t accept that, but I also don’t know why she has stopped contacting me.

I have decided to stop contacting my daughter for now because trying to navigate this is too painful, I’ve found previously that withdrawing and terminating relationships is easier than feeling the pain and confusion of them.

Craig

Parents
  • Rocketboy said:
    I have always been regularly present in her life until recently, despite asking her to contact me once in a while (rather than the other way around) because it’s important for me to feel loved by her and relevant to her, she just doesn’t, which is hard for me to understand and navigate.

    Having been the daughter in this situation, I can tell you that it really hurts to be this age and hear your dad say that you're now responsible for communication, because regardless of his reasons it can feel like he just isn't bothered about you. I understand that you're the autistic one, whereas my dad wasn't, and that it can make things like phone calls more difficult... but ultimately you are the adult and it's your responsibility to stay in touch.

    It's not that she doesn't love you. It's that she thinks you don't love her. Obviously that's not true, but that's how it feels from her perspective- and I imagine if she's living with a mum who doesn't believe in your diagnosis, she's getting a rather skewed view of what's really going on.

    And aside from that- yes, at 15 she most likely is very busy with schoolwork. It's GCSE time and there's a lot to do. It's also worth bearing in mind that the teenage years are a time when you're learning to be an adult yourself- kids don't always get their priorities right when they're figuring that out.

Reply
  • Rocketboy said:
    I have always been regularly present in her life until recently, despite asking her to contact me once in a while (rather than the other way around) because it’s important for me to feel loved by her and relevant to her, she just doesn’t, which is hard for me to understand and navigate.

    Having been the daughter in this situation, I can tell you that it really hurts to be this age and hear your dad say that you're now responsible for communication, because regardless of his reasons it can feel like he just isn't bothered about you. I understand that you're the autistic one, whereas my dad wasn't, and that it can make things like phone calls more difficult... but ultimately you are the adult and it's your responsibility to stay in touch.

    It's not that she doesn't love you. It's that she thinks you don't love her. Obviously that's not true, but that's how it feels from her perspective- and I imagine if she's living with a mum who doesn't believe in your diagnosis, she's getting a rather skewed view of what's really going on.

    And aside from that- yes, at 15 she most likely is very busy with schoolwork. It's GCSE time and there's a lot to do. It's also worth bearing in mind that the teenage years are a time when you're learning to be an adult yourself- kids don't always get their priorities right when they're figuring that out.

Children
No Data