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My autistic son hates his sister

NAS24917

Hi everyone,

I have three children. A 12 year old girl, an 11 year old boy, who is autistic and a 8 year old.

The 11 year old boy absolutely loathes his sister. Deep down he probably loves her but he can't tolerate being near here. He won't go near her. He screeches if She appears in his sight, even if she is completely silent. She doesn't do anything to him, just ignores him.

His behaviour has also generalised to anything that she has touched. For example, he wouldn't wear his new swimming costume as he had touched he swimming costume.

Avoiding his sister is his 100 per cent occupation. If she isn't around, he is happy and able to join in his activities.

Any advice would be helpful. Also, if anyone can recommend an expert who can help with this. I'd be grateful.

Thanks so much

Parents

  • I have just discovered this thread and can relate so much to your story.  We are several years in and have never found a solution.  After years of family therapy for us as parents I have accepted the situation to an extent but will never get over it.  My heart breaks for both of my daughters but especially the one who has been rejected.  I try my best to reassure her, to compensate for her loss but it's not enough and i worry about the lasting damage this rejection has caused to her self esteem.  

  • in reply to SIPA

    Dear SIPA,

    I wanted to update you all on this situation. Looking back at the posts I wrote earlier is quite upsetting especially to see how bad it was, But guess what? It's gone! We decided to go down the route of medication alongside the support of an excellent psychiatrist. It took a while to get the dose right, but the anxiety went away almost as suddenly as it had come on. We were on a train in Vietnam and my husband, two sisters (including the one he "hated") were playing cards and you could see my son who was on the top bunk really wanted to join in. Eventually, he did and that was it. It took a few more attempts at positive interactions, but it has been nearly a year now and he is not only tolerating his big sister, he is also friends with her! They had a similar sense of humour and have a great laugh together. So I would say to all those who are going through this - hang in there. There will be more dramas along the way, but hopefully, this particular drama will pass. I was very sceptical about my son taking medicines before, but I would have to say the effects have been truly life changing for us. I have my little boy back and his sister has her brother back.

Reply
  • in reply to SIPA

    Dear SIPA,

    I wanted to update you all on this situation. Looking back at the posts I wrote earlier is quite upsetting especially to see how bad it was, But guess what? It's gone! We decided to go down the route of medication alongside the support of an excellent psychiatrist. It took a while to get the dose right, but the anxiety went away almost as suddenly as it had come on. We were on a train in Vietnam and my husband, two sisters (including the one he "hated") were playing cards and you could see my son who was on the top bunk really wanted to join in. Eventually, he did and that was it. It took a few more attempts at positive interactions, but it has been nearly a year now and he is not only tolerating his big sister, he is also friends with her! They had a similar sense of humour and have a great laugh together. So I would say to all those who are going through this - hang in there. There will be more dramas along the way, but hopefully, this particular drama will pass. I was very sceptical about my son taking medicines before, but I would have to say the effects have been truly life changing for us. I have my little boy back and his sister has her brother back.

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