My autistic son hates his sister

NAS24917 said:

Avoiding his sister is his 100 per cent occupation.

With the avoidance it sounds as if it could be anxiety based. 

Has he been able to communicate why he reacts the way he does?

NAS24917 said:

He screeches if She appears in his sight, even if she is completely silent.

One possibility is that it is sensory anxiety if he can't tolerate the sound of his sister's voice. He won't want to go near anything or anyone that might potentially make a noise he finds intolerable. I'm like that with certain dogs. If that is a factor then ear protection might help to a certain extent.

Does he have something he is interested in that he would strongly want to participate in? Maybe if you could set up such an activity and include his sister. Warn him in advance that his sister will be there and give him the autonomy to choose if he wants to join in or not based on that knowledge.

If nothing else that will test if his aversion to his sister is greater than his interests, so you can begin to understand what you are dealing with. 

Dear all,

Thanks for the replies to my original post. It is good to know that we are not the only family going through difficulties between siblings.

11 months on and the extreme dislike of my son of his sister is still continuing. It is very difficult to have meals together and to get them into the car together. We have fixed seats in both situations and rituals to follow, like everyone has to be in the car before my autistic son gets in and same goes for dinner - everyone has to be sat down in order for him to join us. I think this is to do with the unpredictability of a younger sister and worry about what she will do next.

I think his original dislike stemmed from her high pitched voice and loud and unpredictable behaviour (she was 7!), but now his dislike is so hardwired, he has a visible flight-or-fight response when he sees her and actively avoids her at all costs.

Of course, we worry about the impact his behaviour has on his sister and it is a constant juggle to protect them both. We continually tell his sister that it is not her fault and that she is allowed to talk, touch things etc. Also, we try and educate her about autism and it effects on the brain. I think she touched his swimming trunks accidentally - like we asked her to empty a bag, not realising it had his stuff in. Also, I wash their clothes together and then peg it on the line outside and his and her items are touching and he sees it (before I can get them in), then the touching item is rejected permanently. Obviously, I try to wash their stuff separately, but not always practical. 

We tried some CBT, but it wasn't that successful as my son is unable to express why he dislikes her so much. He is not very communicative and not aware of the nuances in his feelings.

We have considered medication and I am still considering it to lessen his anxiety. However, his anxiety is really only present when she is around. 

If anyone has any suggestions for therapies to try, and tactics, I'd be grateful. They wouldn't be able to sit down together at all as my son is so distressed in her presence - like visibly fearful of her. 

Thanks so much

Dear all,

Thanks for the replies to my original post. It is good to know that we are not the only family going through difficulties between siblings.

11 months on and the extreme dislike of my son of his sister is still continuing. It is very difficult to have meals together and to get them into the car together. We have fixed seats in both situations and rituals to follow, like everyone has to be in the car before my autistic son gets in and same goes for dinner - everyone has to be sat down in order for him to join us. I think this is to do with the unpredictability of a younger sister and worry about what she will do next.

I think his original dislike stemmed from her high pitched voice and loud and unpredictable behaviour (she was 7!), but now his dislike is so hardwired, he has a visible flight-or-fight response when he sees her and actively avoids her at all costs.

Of course, we worry about the impact his behaviour has on his sister and it is a constant juggle to protect them both. We continually tell his sister that it is not her fault and that she is allowed to talk, touch things etc. Also, we try and educate her about autism and it effects on the brain. I think she touched his swimming trunks accidentally - like we asked her to empty a bag, not realising it had his stuff in. Also, I wash their clothes together and then peg it on the line outside and his and her items are touching and he sees it (before I can get them in), then the touching item is rejected permanently. Obviously, I try to wash their stuff separately, but not always practical. 

We tried some CBT, but it wasn't that successful as my son is unable to express why he dislikes her so much. He is not very communicative and not aware of the nuances in his feelings.

We have considered medication and I am still considering it to lessen his anxiety. However, his anxiety is really only present when she is around. 

If anyone has any suggestions for therapies to try, and tactics, I'd be grateful. They wouldn't be able to sit down together at all as my son is so distressed in her presence - like visibly fearful of her. 

Thanks so much