Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
what I’m about to say on here may not be liked by everyone. I hate that I am feeling it myself trust me but I just need to vent. Please try not to judge me I’m struggling and trying to make my way through this as best I can.
i have a son who is 10. I have a daughter who is 7 and live with my husband. Since my son was 3-4yrs he has struggled with things around him and his emotions. He has sensory needs and social interaction issues. He was diagnosed earlier this year with “high functioning autism”. For the past 11months he has turned into the most destructive, hateful, nasty, anxious, disrespectful human being. He refused school for 7months. He doesn’t go to sleep without us there with him. He will kick off, shout, scream, kick, slam doors, break windows etc when he gets angry which can be caused by anything. When we try to teach consequences it will go on and on and he gets over his meltdown but learns nothing from it. My family is broken. My husband is a shadow of the man he used to be. We are both nothing like we were before. My daughter puts up with an awful lot from having her brother destroy everything and shout at her for most of the day. I hate to say it but he’s ruining our lives. We are tired, miserable and just about surviving. Certainly not living.
Im grateful that we are healthy and have an amazing family around to support but I feel lonely confused and unsure how things are ever going to change for the better. My son means the world to me. I love him so much. He’s just become someone else. Someone we can’t go out with, have time off with or do anything without huge outbursts and stress. I don’t understand him. We stay calm, give him space, talk and listen but when we are met with such a power of negativity it chips away and we have become shells of our former selves. I think we have reached our limit. We now have short fuses, raise our voices and go crazy ourselves when we can’t take anymore.
I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to be able to enjoy life not wake up everyday thinking how long have I got until the abuse from my 10 year old starts.
We need help before we all break up and bonds get broken.
I am autistic, and also a mother (to a now adult son, who is likely neurodivergent too). Whilst I don't have experience of the situation you currently find yourself in, I can sympathise with the toll it is taking on you and the rest of your family.
This is unlikely to be of any comfort to you, and I may well be stating the obvious here by saying that your home is probably the one place where your son feels safe enough to 'unmask' and let out all his pent-up anger and frustration.
Are there any physical activities your son enjoys? Does he have anything at home that he can safely take his anger out on? An old cushion, or pillow that he can punch, kick, throw around, etc? Something that won't matter if it gets damaged, and will be considerably cheaper to replace than the likes of a broken window.
Hopefully, there will be parents here who can offer you some better suggestions than mine.