Published on 12, July, 2020
My 12 year old daughter has been in autistic burnout for about a year. She has not been in school for 10 months and probably won't return.
Previously a high academic achiever, loved reading and art but now will only play video games as her special interest. Struggles to leave her room. Won't allow us to bathe her, wash hair, clean teeth. She doesn't see the point in getting up in the mornings.
We have done everything suggested to us, CBT, OT Ed Psych, SALT and there is no change.
We believe she is depressed but we don't know how to get her help as CAHMS won't get involved as they say it is due to her autism and she is not self-harming or suicidal.
We feel like we have nowhere else to turn.
Has anybody had a similar experience? What helped?
We are thinking about medication for depression but we don't know who can help us? Private Psychiatrist maybe?
Well let me give you some background so you know where I'm coming from. I'm autistic, I was homeschooled most of my childhood and I have been on antidepresentas for depresion (as an adult). The first thing to say is from my personal experence antidepresents are not happy pills. They don't make depresion go away they adjust your energy levels so you are more able to function and hopefully adress the undelying issues causing your depresion. I found that with out anti depresentas I was having brife moments of functionality then crashing for most of the day. Anti depresenats let me function more consistantly, but it was like functioning at 75% capacity. Sences and wits slightly dulled.
I also tried CBT. We got to the core of the issues really fast. And then hit a brick wall because there was very little we could do about those issues. Most of the improvment came from improved self care and offloading some self imposed duties (strategic giving up). Your daughters game playing probably is a form of self care. Obviously not one she can indulge 24/7.
They say girls mature faster than boys. Statisticly their hormones hit them a year or two earlyer. When you hit your teens sudenly socialising with other kids becomes much more confusing and their comunication indirect. Getting by socialy for autistic kids sudenly becomes 1000000 times harder. And at the same time you feel driven more than ever to get your peers attention, especially the oposite sex. It's consevable her school rejection is a responce to the compleat colapse of her social life at school. Social life at school is like a game designed to be imposable for her to win. It's easy to see how video games that reward hard work might feel preferable.
Reading and art are both windows into fantasy worlds in the form of novels and painted scenes / stoires. Video games are just a kind of fantasy that rewards you directly for engaging with them. You need something worth while to tempt her back into the 'real' world. If she's anything like me at 13 (eg horny and hetrosexual) the best thing would probably be a boy she likes showing even the slightest bit of interest in her. As a teen I almost never took a shower unless it was the night I went to the youth group where the cute girls were. The opposite sex can be a powerful motervator.
Since a boy's probably not something on the cards. One thing you can try is emphersising that education is difrent than school. Try to get her to study at home. I'm sure there are aspects of education she does enjoy. My mother had to drag me out of the house to get me to study english (which I hated), but science. I used to carry university science and engenering textbooks around with me where ever I went. I was almost never out of the house without a textbook. Try forcing her to spend some time every day on her favorite school subjects. With a textbook at a desk. Or better yet out of the house. If you can seperate the social side of school from the learning side in her head she may regain interest in school. And if she doesn't at least she's learning at home. Show her learning can be fun.