My son assaulted another child

I don't know wherw to apart with this one. My 12 yo is in his 1st year of mainstream high school. His primary years were horrific with bullying, him retaliating and being excluded from school. Last week, a boy he has previously had issues with resurfaced himself, flooding him about being in his face. My son gave him plenty of warnings to leave him alone, to not get in his face but the boy didn't take any notice at all. On Wednesday my son was sent home from school for threatening to "have" him if he comes near him again. I was told the boy was "scared for him life". The boy was told to stay away from my son and my son was told the same and he made a promise not to attack(the schools words) him) my boy agreed. The following day when my son returned to school the said boy was in his face, following him about and my son told him in a few choice word to do one. Friday arrives and my son is still as high as a kite because this boy after being told to leave him alone has kept doing it. I tried ro bring him down which I managed, well I thought I did. Then the call came to say my son was being excluded as he gave this boy a "beating". Of course its all my son. The school have said they have been told no one seen this boy approach my son it was all one sided. This has always been the way my son has went through school, O this O that is to blame because of his actions.  My son has a dual diagnosis of asd and adhd. I have to attend the school this week and I'm at a loss of what to say or do.

Parents
  • The school is not supporting your son properly and what they are doing is trying to make him the perpetrator so they can exclude him so they haven't got to deal with an autistic child in their classrooms. 

    My advice would be to go in armed with all the things they have not done to support your child that you have asked, all the times they haven't met his echp, all the times they've left him to defend himself when he's being bullied by others and put the blame squarely back on their door, but politely because if you lose your temper they'll use your behaviour as an example of why your son behaves the same way and again they'll look to suspend or exclude. 

  • Agreed. Walk in with confidence. Wear your best suit… look “all business.”

    Don’t be sweet.  Just state your business, — the school’s inability to protect your son…. Etc.

    Write your top 3 points down! This way you have notes if you get nervous. 

    Do NOT let male principals pacify you - know what you expect from them and TELL them.

    Also, the meeting isn’t over until they hear you out. (Yes, I have done this with 5 MEN instructors and principal. They TRY to intimidate mom’s - the old “she’s a woman and we have the upper hand.) Speak up. Speak out. The more you do this the less they want to see you at school! 

    I had to do this alone many times for my son! It is frustrating that the school “system” works best for Savy bullies - and men.


    Good luck! You can do this! Speak up. Don’t be timid in any way. (Adults prey on the weak just like kids do!) Do not apologize. Put the attention on the school and how they are ignoring this bullying issue.

Reply
  • Agreed. Walk in with confidence. Wear your best suit… look “all business.”

    Don’t be sweet.  Just state your business, — the school’s inability to protect your son…. Etc.

    Write your top 3 points down! This way you have notes if you get nervous. 

    Do NOT let male principals pacify you - know what you expect from them and TELL them.

    Also, the meeting isn’t over until they hear you out. (Yes, I have done this with 5 MEN instructors and principal. They TRY to intimidate mom’s - the old “she’s a woman and we have the upper hand.) Speak up. Speak out. The more you do this the less they want to see you at school! 

    I had to do this alone many times for my son! It is frustrating that the school “system” works best for Savy bullies - and men.


    Good luck! You can do this! Speak up. Don’t be timid in any way. (Adults prey on the weak just like kids do!) Do not apologize. Put the attention on the school and how they are ignoring this bullying issue.

Children
  • Last piece of advice: 

    I always reminded my son to NOT speak to anyone after issues at school until they called and I was there with him. This way they could not twist what he said into something different from what he meant. 

    Remind your son of this often. This applies to teachers, principals, the police, etc.  It will also teach him that HE has rights also.

  • Take a trusted adult with you if you’d like! This is ALWAYS an option if you don’t feel you can go alone.

  • Practice what you’ll say and how you’ll stand… 2 times the night before. I always stood when speaking.
     I have found after practicing - that I remembered what needed to be said better this way!  Good luck!!!!!Four leaf clover