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My son assaulted another child

NAS90336

I don't know wherw to apart with this one. My 12 yo is in his 1st year of mainstream high school. His primary years were horrific with bullying, him retaliating and being excluded from school. Last week, a boy he has previously had issues with resurfaced himself, flooding him about being in his face. My son gave him plenty of warnings to leave him alone, to not get in his face but the boy didn't take any notice at all. On Wednesday my son was sent home from school for threatening to "have" him if he comes near him again. I was told the boy was "scared for him life". The boy was told to stay away from my son and my son was told the same and he made a promise not to attack(the schools words) him) my boy agreed. The following day when my son returned to school the said boy was in his face, following him about and my son told him in a few choice word to do one. Friday arrives and my son is still as high as a kite because this boy after being told to leave him alone has kept doing it. I tried ro bring him down which I managed, well I thought I did. Then the call came to say my son was being excluded as he gave this boy a "beating". Of course its all my son. The school have said they have been told no one seen this boy approach my son it was all one sided. This has always been the way my son has went through school, O this O that is to blame because of his actions.  My son has a dual diagnosis of asd and adhd. I have to attend the school this week and I'm at a loss of what to say or do.

Parents

  • Hi, I'm sorry to hear that your son is being bullied and that the school is not being more supportive. I don't have any direct advice, but I just wanted to highlight some of the positives here. It is good your son is standing up for himself- I was bullied too at school but I was taught to mainly ignore the bullies which meant that I didn't learn to stand up for myself and just internalised the rejection and hurt, which is not healthy. Of course, hitting the bully is not the most socially acceptable way of dealing with this situation, but your son did appropriately deal with the situation by asking the bully to leave him alone and then by agreeing to and honouring his side of the deal that was made with the help of the staff. He was repeatedly provoked by the other child and then ultimately ended up hitting him. I think the school should be more proactive in their anti-bullying policies and should also support your son in learning alternative ways of dealing with bullies should this happen again (eg. who to approach at school etc.). This doesn't sound like a one sided situation to me at all. I hope that this other child will at least leave your son alone now. 

    I've actually often wondered what would have happened if I had defended myself more and possibly even hit the people that bullied me. Would it have stopped the bullies? I don't know but what I do know is that not defending yourself in any way is not good either. I'm not condoning violence in any way. I think the key here is to make sure your son has some other tools and strategies to deal with bullies (eg. also a staff member to raise it too etc). Bullying should not be tolerated at school, it's far too common and often the victims just accept it and suffer. 

Reply

  • Hi, I'm sorry to hear that your son is being bullied and that the school is not being more supportive. I don't have any direct advice, but I just wanted to highlight some of the positives here. It is good your son is standing up for himself- I was bullied too at school but I was taught to mainly ignore the bullies which meant that I didn't learn to stand up for myself and just internalised the rejection and hurt, which is not healthy. Of course, hitting the bully is not the most socially acceptable way of dealing with this situation, but your son did appropriately deal with the situation by asking the bully to leave him alone and then by agreeing to and honouring his side of the deal that was made with the help of the staff. He was repeatedly provoked by the other child and then ultimately ended up hitting him. I think the school should be more proactive in their anti-bullying policies and should also support your son in learning alternative ways of dealing with bullies should this happen again (eg. who to approach at school etc.). This doesn't sound like a one sided situation to me at all. I hope that this other child will at least leave your son alone now. 

    I've actually often wondered what would have happened if I had defended myself more and possibly even hit the people that bullied me. Would it have stopped the bullies? I don't know but what I do know is that not defending yourself in any way is not good either. I'm not condoning violence in any way. I think the key here is to make sure your son has some other tools and strategies to deal with bullies (eg. also a staff member to raise it too etc). Bullying should not be tolerated at school, it's far too common and often the victims just accept it and suffer. 

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