My son assaulted another child

I don't know wherw to apart with this one. My 12 yo is in his 1st year of mainstream high school. His primary years were horrific with bullying, him retaliating and being excluded from school. Last week, a boy he has previously had issues with resurfaced himself, flooding him about being in his face. My son gave him plenty of warnings to leave him alone, to not get in his face but the boy didn't take any notice at all. On Wednesday my son was sent home from school for threatening to "have" him if he comes near him again. I was told the boy was "scared for him life". The boy was told to stay away from my son and my son was told the same and he made a promise not to attack(the schools words) him) my boy agreed. The following day when my son returned to school the said boy was in his face, following him about and my son told him in a few choice word to do one. Friday arrives and my son is still as high as a kite because this boy after being told to leave him alone has kept doing it. I tried ro bring him down which I managed, well I thought I did. Then the call came to say my son was being excluded as he gave this boy a "beating". Of course its all my son. The school have said they have been told no one seen this boy approach my son it was all one sided. This has always been the way my son has went through school, O this O that is to blame because of his actions.  My son has a dual diagnosis of asd and adhd. I have to attend the school this week and I'm at a loss of what to say or do.

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  • i dunno it maybe a blessing in disguise to be excluded from that school right?

    i mean for one he finally gets seperated from another kid he has issues with so that ends now. and another if the school is wrong then hes good to be getting away from them too as you dont wanna remain in a school that fails to protect you then takes the side of the person that starts it. so it maybe for the best. you can find a better school for him.

  • How difficult it is it for a parent to get a child back into school if they have been excluded from another one? and why should the child be made to feel that it's his fault? I have been at fault for everything in my life and I cannot bear the thought of a child being blamed for their health condition. 

    I'm not saying this school is the right place for him but I am saying that if it's made into being his fault that he has been excluded it's going to be a much more difficult path for him and the parents. Plus a child needs their parents to stand up for them, otherwise they will feel unloved at school and at home. 

  • why should the child be made to feel that it's his fault?

    If the child in question assaulted another child then that is grounds these days. Being autistic is no defence for initiating the physical assault in spite of the provocation.

    The school gave clear warnings about what was acceptable and the children both agreed - but the actions they took were of different significances - verbal versus physical.

    The child should be trained to bring the interaction to the eyes of witnesses so he can them make a complaint about harrassment - he should also be trained that violence is not acceptable even when he is being goaded by another kid who seems to know how to push his buttons.

    Once harrassment has been confirmed then the parents can push the school to have the offending child exluded insted, but that is kind of a moot point now.

    In this cancel culture age, violence is one thing that is almost certain to get you cancelled so I would recommend the OP works hard on teaching their child restraint and techniques to avoid it happening again.

  • He didn't initiate it, he was goaded into it

    But he threw the first punch. That is the initiation of violence, not the goading part.

    Goading is only verbal and something we are all likely to experience in life but should never respond to it with violence.

    These are the values you need to teach, but I know there are reasonable exceptions - the school yard is not one of these exceptions however.

    It is a valuable lesson in the consequence of actions, however unfair they may seem. Never throw the first punch but make sure you throw the last one.

  • He didn't initiate it, he was goaded into it after multiple requests to be left alone. 

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