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How to suggest a diagnosis is needed

NAS90149

Hi,

I'm the older sister of a sibling who, as a family, we suspect has Asperger's. She is now 46 years old but hasn't been diagnosed. Our mother recently passed away and I hadn't realised the amount of support she gave my sister, particularly regards to finance.

My sister has always had trouble with employment. I know her doctor has advised she doesn't work full time as she can't cope with the hours.

Now I am her support I think a diagnosis would help with support in employment (she's currently cleaning), benefits (she doesn't have enough money to live on or mismanaged it), and support meeting others like herself.

I'm worried the suggestion might upset her. She's in quite a delicate position at the moment.

Any advice on talking this through and any advice on getting a diagnosis successfully.

Thank you 

  • I was in your sister's position and didn't realise myself how much mum did for me until she wasn't there anymore. I think it took me 2 years to realise just how badly I cope alone. 

    I have been brutally honest with DWP, I really do have daily violent meltdowns and always have -i hid in toilets so no-one would find out from senior school age and in cupboards at home from about 6. I have been put in the support group but I also had dismissal letters from work which backed up my claim and occupational health letters stating my unfitness and, frankly, levels of incompetence. 

    However, no matter how much money you get as income if you can't manage it you can't manage it. I had a well paid job and still got into debt because I'm rubbish at money. I actually do better when I know I've got nothing spare, because then I know I can't spend anything but that comes from a highly negative view of "I don't have any money so I don't deserve anything" - I can turn anything into a negative. It's a special talent (!) 

    As far as suggesting it to your sister, does she have any awareness of autism? Has it ever been suggested before? Prior conceptions about the condition can make it difficult for people to even consider they might be autistic. If she knows nothing about it beyond "rain man" then have a look at the BBC "inside our autistic minds" and see if that's something you might watch together or recommend she watch. 

    I've suggested to my sister her kids need assessing and that blew up in my face badly, despite her agreeing one is PDA. Assessing as a child has possible benefits in terms of support, as an adult there is little to no support available, employers can be reluctant to provide accommodations, so realistically diagnosis won't get your sister the support you think she needs. 

    It's a tough one. I'd been told I was autistic by a random therapist in my early 20's but I was so scared of the term that I ignored it, he didn't record it, and it wasn't until I was 40 and mum had her strokes that I couldn't avoid it anymore and pushed for assessment. 

  • Maybe its a bit soon after losing her mum if she is feeling delicate? Perhaps raise it and then dependant on her response leave it there for another time. She could ask for a referral for an assessment if she has symptoms consistent with autism or pay privatly. As for benefits, there is ESA if she is restricted on how many hours she can work due to her health conditions. There is also PIP, she could request a form and if she is limited and struggles with daily living tasks she could apply for this. 

  • extra benefits for this is actually next to impossible to get without lying on the pip questionnaire but they are testing for that in the future as the next budget outlines putting people to the test so if someone claims they cant get out and about or whatever and cant do things without assistance they will be tested on that. so most people in here who gained pip somehow will all likely be kicked off it in the near future and made to pay it back when they are tested and found that they answered wrong on the questions lol

    a diagnosis will only usually help in that a employer will have to be more careful and not be as persecutory as they can be. theyd have to treat her with a bit more care. and shed have the power to ask for reasonable adjustments of any kind she can think of. so it will still help her immensely in employment relations.

    and yeah, she could take it as a insult. i remember someone suggested i was autistic ages ago and i took it as a insult at first as i didnt really know what it was and to me at that time i only heard terms like that as a insult.