She wants out

My daughter has come up to me and said she wants out of school. I never thought I'd here her say that. She is in an autism specialist independent school, staffed 2:1. She struggles so much on a daily basis, something going wrong everyday. She is serious about leaving now because she has realised her mental health is not good when she goes and that staff no longer help or understand her. 

She is really scared that if she does leave, the huge change in routine will tip her over the edge, and she will end up doing something stupid. She said this is why she doesn't want to leave school. She also doesn't know what to do because if she leaves, her mental health will be really bad and she won't want to work or help me work or whatnot because she just won't cope. Also having a traumatising time at her last job, it has put her off altogether. I'm worried about how she will cope with her mental health. 

In the meantime she is due back to school next Monday. Her friend has said she will go with her to school on Monday. On Wednesday we have a meeting with the school but we don't know what about. She also said that in school she has pretended to be me, writing letters on what will help her and things like that. I think she prefers to do this way of communication, pretending to be someone else, than saying herself. 

What can help her because we are at a lost? Any ideas we are grateful for. I feel like it's a race against time now. 

Parents
  • Yesterday, Thursday, she tidied and organised her bedroom. She chucked all her school stuff in the bin. She has always kept her school stuff for many years and would never throw it away but now she has. This is worrying too. Never in a million years would I think she'd do this. 

  • How can we all, the family and school, help her transition from school to home. This is what she is struggling with overall. Any big changes around school is scary for her, both good and bad. I just fear the worst with her.

  • Is she in her last year of school? If so that can be an extremely scary time, as autistic people struggle with transitions and life changes.

    I wonder if there is an element of self sabotage here, in that she is deliberately rejecting school as a means to try and retain control of the situation? That could be the case particularly if your daughter has PDA tendencies.

    I think the focus needs to be on what she is going to do next and how both you and the school can work together to support her with achieving that.

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/transitions/england/leaving-school

  • I agree with what you are saying. She gives too many chances. She always forgives and moves on even if they have done something that traumatised her. They've left her crying in a classroom, called the police on her, never follow through with what they say, always makes the same mistakes and pretty much makes her deal with emotions by herself. One day she came home battered and bruised, really bad, worst I've seen before, because she had a meltdown because she felt scared because she didn't like her staffing and didn't feel safe with them. She was held/restrained and staff did not tell me about this incident, it came from my own daughter who broke down infront on me. The next day they pretended that nothing happened and she pretty much keeps on forgiving them for everything. I've realised that now she's shifted her mindset, hating school, her anxiety is through the roof. I'm scared on how this will go because she is not taking her bag to school, which has her communication app, ear defenders, everything she needs to cope throughout the day. All she'll have now is a coat, phone, money, headphones and a vape. 

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  • I agree with what you are saying. She gives too many chances. She always forgives and moves on even if they have done something that traumatised her. They've left her crying in a classroom, called the police on her, never follow through with what they say, always makes the same mistakes and pretty much makes her deal with emotions by herself. One day she came home battered and bruised, really bad, worst I've seen before, because she had a meltdown because she felt scared because she didn't like her staffing and didn't feel safe with them. She was held/restrained and staff did not tell me about this incident, it came from my own daughter who broke down infront on me. The next day they pretended that nothing happened and she pretty much keeps on forgiving them for everything. I've realised that now she's shifted her mindset, hating school, her anxiety is through the roof. I'm scared on how this will go because she is not taking her bag to school, which has her communication app, ear defenders, everything she needs to cope throughout the day. All she'll have now is a coat, phone, money, headphones and a vape. 

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