ASD or being controling and manipulating

Hi, 

I work with a boy with autism and ADHD and I have the same problems with him. Sometimes I find it really hard to know what behaviour is him being naughty, and what behaviour is down to his autism and ADHD. I take him out every Sunday in London, which can sometimes be a struggle! I have started writing a blog about my experiences with him, and there might be some useful tips for taking a child with autism out, as it can sometimes be a struggle! Click here for the link. 

Stay strong and keep believing in your beautiful children. 

Sounds just like my 10 1/2 y/o.  My bf and I have a lot of problems because he doesn't understand.  Y'all have given me hope to continue fighting for my relationship and my son.  Thank you ladies.

I have a high functioning ASD 11 year old who is totally controlling at home and goes wild when bored. I also have a 3 and a half year old with severe ASD and 'sensory processing disorder' I  was told his sensory processing is so severe it needed a diagnosis in its own right (my son will projectile vomit if he sees a picture of ice cream!). He cannot answer if you ask him his name and he wont use a spoon,he has the self care skills of 0-12 months. he has a photographic memory though and can read! A very intelligent child with a severe disorder! Amazing! And I'll bet he's not the only one!

Thank u so much gsmummy that's exactly how my bf is and u have given me insperation to keep fighting thank u xxx

That sounds a lot like my son. He's 7 very clever, has amazing speech and incredibly manipulative! He also has no idea how to empathise or understand social cues about how others are feeling, he never seems to give a hoot about anyone else. This is because he really doesn't understand. I've heard it all: he's just naughty, or, he's clever and manipulating you to get his own way, he's nasty, he's rude, he hurts others. My boyfriend thought for a long time that my son was 'doing it on purpose' trying to be the alpha male. He took all my sons behaviours as a personal attack. I always knew in my heart that this wasn't the case. I saw that these things happened when he was feeling uncomfortable or anxious, out of control even. He has no idea how to calm himself down, sometimes he has no idea that the behaviour is 'building up' and so situations can get out of control very quickly. I kept on and on and eventually the school referred him for assessment with the comunity paediatric team. He has been diagnosed with ASD, having social, emotional and communication issues. It has taken 3 long years of shouting though because even the school refused to believe I was right!

My advise is to keep on battling for your little boy as it seems as though he's struggling and maybe can't see a way to stop.

No offence taken btw. 

thank u for ur reply i senceirly hope i didn't offend anyone with that remark that was said to me about being clever i know intelligence has nothing to do with any disorder this family member is older and had a stricked up bringing which is possibly why she thinks this, it is very hurtful however when people say things like this, my son has appologisedcto me this morning for his behavior last night and he wrote sorry many times on the window of my boyfriends iced car this morning but my bf said he still isn't speaking to him because of his behavior last night which again hurts me cos this might not be something my son can help x

While learning ability and speech can be affected, people do tend to view autism as some sort of backwardness. At the abler end it is very much a cognitive and sensory problem. He will be just as capable as any other child at manipulating his environment, just probably has a much greater need to try to do so.

There are situations where a child on the spectrum can become overly manipulative when the child finds it can best control or organise his/her environment by doing so.

And indeed "he's too clever to have a disorder", well it depends what this disorder is. Except for the more severe end of autism it doesn't stop him being clever.

thanks Hun so u don't think this is just defience and manipulation on his part a few people have said its sheer naughtiness and he is trying to control and manipulate me and acting spoilt and said i need to put my foot down , a close family member said hes to clever to have a disorder he knows exactly what he is doing, but i don't know anymore its so hard without a diagnosis than. Kno how to deal with the situation x

It does sound like he has some ADHD going on, but to be sure you would need to get him assessed.

I would find out what background noise you could put in his bedroom to enable him to sleep - that part is ASD and a lot of people with ASC can't sleep if it's too quiet as we pick up the little noises that disturb us.  Maybe a tape with white noise or something.  Ask him what he thinks would work.  Then he might be happy about his bedroom door being shut, maybe he needs a plug-in nightlight though not to be pitch black.

The best way to handle shopping trips is that he has something to keep him occupied.  Maybe a handheld PC game or something?

Boredom and playing up at home is because it's unstructured time, at school he is used to having things very structured and left to their own devices people on the spectrum can struggle.  Maybe get some "now and next" PECS wall charts to organise his time and give him things to keep him occupied.  Computer time usually works like a miracle to people on the spectrum.