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Out of School Club

Amanda72

Hi, Just looking for some advice or words of wisdom. My son is 8 and has ASD, he is pretty high funtioning and as such needs minimal support in school. Many of his difficuties are at playtime/lunchtime etc but the school are working on this.

Both my husband and I work full time and my son goes in before and after school club. He has now been excluded twice from the club with little notice as his behaviour was unacceptable and put other children at risk of injury etc. School can't intervene as out of school is run separately. I feel at the end of my tether with the situation and am on pins in case he plays up again and gets excluded.

He is clearly struggling and when he goes into a meltdown he does tend to run off or can just lose it and throw things around. I know that all behaviour is communication but if I'm not there and they are not watching him then they may well be missing the cues. I feel trapped in a helpless situation and totally at the mercy of the woman who runs the club and who will just phone me and say she's not going to accept him for the rest of the week etc.

 

Parents

  • It is not necessarily helpful to look for causes immediately connected in time with the meltdown event.

    Unfortunately I can only offer my personal theory on this, for want of official back-up.

    Meltdowns are a desperation response to a build up of stress. A child may not in any case be able to tell you the reason.

    Being on the autistic spectrum means you cannot get clear information from social interaction. NTs can sound out from those around them if there's a misunderstanding. Those on the spectrum have to work things out in isolation, and that process can get pretty intense. Long after (even weeks months or years after) a neurotypical person has got over and forgotten a perceived upset, a person on the spectrum will still be processing this, trying to find an answer. And there may be lots of these unsolveds all competing in your child's head.

    Also coping with this on a day to day basis is tiring, especially if there are external stresses, including noise, lots of people moving and talking, too much information coming in.

    Meltdowns are an explosive response to the build up of stress. The trigger may be very trivial, just the "last straw".  You can draw your own parallels. If you have a hectic day, with everything going wrong, and you're under pressure to get things done, you will get short tempered and release anger and frustration when it all gets too much, possibly just something small helps you reach that point.

    The trouble is your child gets that build up every day. But there are warning signs you and he can look for. And if he gets to recognise these he can ask to go to his quiet place and explode in private, and at least with some dignity.

    It is very easy for NT observers just to assume a child is over-sensitive, or makes a fuss about nothing, or over-reacts to a trivial remark or incident. Don't look at the immediate, look at what builds up to this. There may be misunderstrandings which, if he was willing to talk it over with you, you could help him resolve.

Reply

  • It is not necessarily helpful to look for causes immediately connected in time with the meltdown event.

    Unfortunately I can only offer my personal theory on this, for want of official back-up.

    Meltdowns are a desperation response to a build up of stress. A child may not in any case be able to tell you the reason.

    Being on the autistic spectrum means you cannot get clear information from social interaction. NTs can sound out from those around them if there's a misunderstanding. Those on the spectrum have to work things out in isolation, and that process can get pretty intense. Long after (even weeks months or years after) a neurotypical person has got over and forgotten a perceived upset, a person on the spectrum will still be processing this, trying to find an answer. And there may be lots of these unsolveds all competing in your child's head.

    Also coping with this on a day to day basis is tiring, especially if there are external stresses, including noise, lots of people moving and talking, too much information coming in.

    Meltdowns are an explosive response to the build up of stress. The trigger may be very trivial, just the "last straw".  You can draw your own parallels. If you have a hectic day, with everything going wrong, and you're under pressure to get things done, you will get short tempered and release anger and frustration when it all gets too much, possibly just something small helps you reach that point.

    The trouble is your child gets that build up every day. But there are warning signs you and he can look for. And if he gets to recognise these he can ask to go to his quiet place and explode in private, and at least with some dignity.

    It is very easy for NT observers just to assume a child is over-sensitive, or makes a fuss about nothing, or over-reacts to a trivial remark or incident. Don't look at the immediate, look at what builds up to this. There may be misunderstrandings which, if he was willing to talk it over with you, you could help him resolve.

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