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Reducing daughter's stress levels

ParentingAutism

My daughter is quite stressed I would say but says she isn't and is just tired which she is also. 

Her school days are soo long and I have suggested sensory breaks and relaxing in her bedroom when she gets home. Here is what an average day looks like for her: 

6am: alarm goes off and she gets ready for school. 

7am: leaves home and walks to the bus stop. 

7:20am: gets on the bus which quickly gets really busy with adults and school students. 

8:30am: gets off the bus and walks to an area near school, sits outside a shop and chills. 

9:10am: walks to school. 

9:15-3:15: school day, has multiple lessons and staff each day. It's an Autism specialist school with 20 students max, she is 2:1.

2:30 or 3:10: she will walk to the bus stop with staff and wait for the bus. Never knows what bus she will get on. Each bus is packed and busy.

3:30-5:00pm: She will arrive home. Usually 1 hour bus journey and sometimes walks 5 minutes home depending on where the bus stops closest to home.

She will have dinner and have some family time or chill in her bedroom. 

8pm: gets ready for bed and will watch Criminal Minds on her tablet.

9pm: tries to go to sleep. 

Then she does it all over again. She is usually gone from 7am till sometimes 5pm. That's 10 hours and her school day is only 6 hours long, sometimes not even that if she gets the early bus home. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Hi, 

    Firstly I am sorry you are having a tough time. 

    Mr daughter is 14 and currently hates everyone other than her friends... she says she has no emotion and just feels numb but has no interest in changing this feeling at all. She has just started therapy so maybe this will help? 

    What we are really struggling with are boundaries. We try to give her her own space to regulate and have time out but she just fixates on social media for hours and hours. She doesn't spend any time with us as a family either. She is increasingly hostile too. So it's a challenge. 

    Just wanted you to know you aren't alone. 

  • Update: She is now getting 4 buses a day so she isn't stuck on the busy buses for ages. Staff have reported she has done no work again today, not wanted staff including her favourites, does not like to be touched (she used to love side hugs to help regulated but now that's a no go). She is vaping again aswell. I know this looks low she is low or depressed and knowing she does not give a 'f' anymore is scary. I don't think she is but needs pointing or help to get back on track. 

    She has also said that she likes feeling like this because she has basically cut off her emotions so doesn't have to feel or deal with anything. She's just numb and empty and doesn't want it to change. 

  • in reply to Taltunes

    Oh bless you. That is long escpially with a normal class size. She is 17 years old. 

  • What age is your daughter?

    I survived similar schooldays - leaving home at 7.15am say and not getting home until 6pm - for 8 years and I went to a private fee-paying school with a normal class size of just over 30.

    Mind you I caught up on my sleep at university - I hate to think what my attendance rate at 9.15 lectures was.

  • Hi, it is a long commute but I don't think there is anything you can do about that? She seems settled in the autism specialist school. Thinking back I always marvel at how I survived school, let alone learnt anything during that time- my days were also quite long, getting up at around 6:30/6:45, school starting at 8:25, then until 3:30. Back home around 4:30 if there were no after school activities. I was exhausted. But what helped me is having a hobby. I spent hours in the stable with horses, riding or just taking care of them- it did become stressful as I grew older and homework increased as I was in the stable for 3-4 hours most days and often only got home around 9pm then had to eat and do all my homework... But it also was a huge positive- something I really loved- and being around horses is very calming- I was lucky- it can be an expensive hobby but I managed to get quite a bit of riding for free and my mum also supported it and came with me most days. When I went to university it was too expensive and too complicated and I stopped- but somehow I just ended up working longer hours but became much less efficient as I had no reason to try and speed up as I was working all the time anyways. Is there anything your daughter really likes to do? She might benefit from having a hobby or activity she really looks forward to. but it would have to really be something she loves a lot, otherwise it is not worth expending any extra energy. But it is weird- if it is an activity you love, expending a bit more energy to do it can actually give you back more energy. I'm sorry, I can't really help much. It is a long day and I understand that school can be a not nice place, draining, stressful, inefficient and exhausting- at least that's what it was like for me. But it sounds like your daughter is at least at a good school which understands autistic students.