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9 Year Old Anger And Violence

NAS88925

Hi

I am new here so I apologise for my ignorance around Autism/ADHD!

My son is 9 and since he was little he has suffered from anger and violence issues. When he was young we put it down to him learning and pushing boundaries. As the years have gone on it is getting worse where he is being physically violent at a drop of a hat. One minute he can be fine, the next he snaps. It happens instantly. He hits, kicks, throws things at me and his dad. I have asked him about how he feels when he starts to get angry like a funny feeling in his stomach, clenched fists etc but he said he doesn't feel anything, it just happens instantly. It can be very scary when it happens and at the moment it is happening daily. The other day he threw a metal bar which nearly hit me. I don't think he meant to throw it at me but he was in such a rage he wasn't thinking. He gets angry over little things like asking him to do his teeth, having a shower, come to the shop with me. It is relentless.

At school he is the model student. He is very quiet, shy, won't put himself forward for anything, often gets overlooked because he's so quiet. He will not break the rules and gets upset if he does. He has friends but can be quite socially awkward around a lot of people, even if he knows them. Just someone asking him his name, stumps him and he goes silent.

I'm not even really sure what I am asking on here. I think I just need to vent and feel like I am not alone. I have done a self referral for assessment for autism but not sure if it could be adhd or maybe it's not either of these things? I have spoken to the GP numerous times and they just send me links to information and say contact us again if it continues.

I think I'm scared he is going to seriously hurt me one day. He's not a bad kid and I think he struggles with this as much as we do.

Thank you for reading

Parents

  • Our daughter was similar at that age but not as extreme. She was fine at school and doing well but then becoming having meltdowns and being violent at home as she was masking and then blowing up. We were shouted at, hit, scratched and kicked. We approached her school who were fantastic and once we explained what was happening teachers started to notice the things she was struggling with- social situations, change and understanding emotions. Academically she was one of the best in the class and well behaved. School started the referral for us and gave her intervention for the aspects she was struggling with. It took three years to get the diagnosis and she is much better at dealing with things. She still has meltdowns and will shout but has not been violent for a couple of years now and she is nearly 12. It was an exhausting time though and scary at times. Things can get better.

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  • Our daughter was similar at that age but not as extreme. She was fine at school and doing well but then becoming having meltdowns and being violent at home as she was masking and then blowing up. We were shouted at, hit, scratched and kicked. We approached her school who were fantastic and once we explained what was happening teachers started to notice the things she was struggling with- social situations, change and understanding emotions. Academically she was one of the best in the class and well behaved. School started the referral for us and gave her intervention for the aspects she was struggling with. It took three years to get the diagnosis and she is much better at dealing with things. She still has meltdowns and will shout but has not been violent for a couple of years now and she is nearly 12. It was an exhausting time though and scary at times. Things can get better.

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