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9 Year Old Anger And Violence

NAS88925

Hi

I am new here so I apologise for my ignorance around Autism/ADHD!

My son is 9 and since he was little he has suffered from anger and violence issues. When he was young we put it down to him learning and pushing boundaries. As the years have gone on it is getting worse where he is being physically violent at a drop of a hat. One minute he can be fine, the next he snaps. It happens instantly. He hits, kicks, throws things at me and his dad. I have asked him about how he feels when he starts to get angry like a funny feeling in his stomach, clenched fists etc but he said he doesn't feel anything, it just happens instantly. It can be very scary when it happens and at the moment it is happening daily. The other day he threw a metal bar which nearly hit me. I don't think he meant to throw it at me but he was in such a rage he wasn't thinking. He gets angry over little things like asking him to do his teeth, having a shower, come to the shop with me. It is relentless.

At school he is the model student. He is very quiet, shy, won't put himself forward for anything, often gets overlooked because he's so quiet. He will not break the rules and gets upset if he does. He has friends but can be quite socially awkward around a lot of people, even if he knows them. Just someone asking him his name, stumps him and he goes silent.

I'm not even really sure what I am asking on here. I think I just need to vent and feel like I am not alone. I have done a self referral for assessment for autism but not sure if it could be adhd or maybe it's not either of these things? I have spoken to the GP numerous times and they just send me links to information and say contact us again if it continues.

I think I'm scared he is going to seriously hurt me one day. He's not a bad kid and I think he struggles with this as much as we do.

Thank you for reading

Parents

  • Hi.

    Other than you referring to your 9 year old son, this could have been written by me about my 8 year old daughter. The similarities in detail, down to brushing teeth, asking to have a shower, masking at school etc. is scary.  I have just joined the NAS today as I am seeking assistance as well and came across your post immediately.  My daughter was diagnosed with high functioning Autism a few months back.  To add to the complexity, she gets it from me, having been diagnosed late in life, only 7 years back.  I am having exactly the same issues and worries and am concerned I am not doing all I should be doing to protect and support her, whilst also fearing this is tearing the family apart. My daughter is a twin and I am struggling to understand what I can do to help her and also her neurotypical sister, who has to deal with the fallout when there is a meltdown or when two neurodiverse minds collide.  I know I need to get better at being a dad to both my daughters and manage this better, hence joining today to get ideas and seek out where I can get more support.  I don't have the answers at present.  My neurotypical wife manages everything much better and can calm her down when she is meltdown. I struggle more, so it's definitely me who needs to improve, hence reaching out to NAS and joining this community for ideas and and suggestions on where else i may get some support and advice.  The only other thing i have done is also reach out to Suffolk carers as i am a registered carer.  I would recommend this is, especially if you have a diagnosis. I am yet to hear back on anything specific around parenting neurodiverse as a neurodiverse parent but I will be joining a walk in sessions for those with neurodiverse children.  I'll also be keeping an eye on this community as I feel some answers may be here.

    Good luck and thanks for your timely post.  

Reply

  • Hi.

    Other than you referring to your 9 year old son, this could have been written by me about my 8 year old daughter. The similarities in detail, down to brushing teeth, asking to have a shower, masking at school etc. is scary.  I have just joined the NAS today as I am seeking assistance as well and came across your post immediately.  My daughter was diagnosed with high functioning Autism a few months back.  To add to the complexity, she gets it from me, having been diagnosed late in life, only 7 years back.  I am having exactly the same issues and worries and am concerned I am not doing all I should be doing to protect and support her, whilst also fearing this is tearing the family apart. My daughter is a twin and I am struggling to understand what I can do to help her and also her neurotypical sister, who has to deal with the fallout when there is a meltdown or when two neurodiverse minds collide.  I know I need to get better at being a dad to both my daughters and manage this better, hence joining today to get ideas and seek out where I can get more support.  I don't have the answers at present.  My neurotypical wife manages everything much better and can calm her down when she is meltdown. I struggle more, so it's definitely me who needs to improve, hence reaching out to NAS and joining this community for ideas and and suggestions on where else i may get some support and advice.  The only other thing i have done is also reach out to Suffolk carers as i am a registered carer.  I would recommend this is, especially if you have a diagnosis. I am yet to hear back on anything specific around parenting neurodiverse as a neurodiverse parent but I will be joining a walk in sessions for those with neurodiverse children.  I'll also be keeping an eye on this community as I feel some answers may be here.

    Good luck and thanks for your timely post.  

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