aspergers and gender dysmorphia

My daughter started with panic attacks in her final year of high school.  I ended up sitting in school as she did her GCSEs because I was the only person who could calm her.  She got good results in her exams, mainly As and Bs and went on to college.  The panic attacks and anxiety got worse and by Christmas it was clear that she couldn't carry on in college. I had tried everything, I'd talked my jaw off, tough love,you don't get advice on the best way to deal with these sorts of situations.  So, my clever beautiful girl was at home a complete nervous wreck, couldn't go to the shop, couldn't speak to her grandparents on the phone.  She did CBT, she said it didn't help. She had counselling, she thought he was an idiot, convinced that her dictatorial parents were bullying her into something she didn't want to do. We are actually a very close supportive family.  She completed Prince's Trust which increased her confidence, she did a 1 year apprenticeship in the Primary School she attended which further boosted her confidence.   When out of the blue she decided she wanted to attend university to study art, something she's been obsessive about forever.  

So 12 months on she's just completed her 1st year, she still has panic attacks, she is on fluxocetine for her anxiety, which she stops taking with alarming regularity because she thinks she doesn't need it any more.

A lot of waffle I know, but, when she was filling her forms in for her first year she told me she identified as male.  Talk about bomb shell. She went out with a girl for a matterof days and looked awkward as all hell.  Her next partner was a boy she is still friends with, she looked much more comfortable cuddling into him.   She's also been out with another boy which has finished over the gender issue. She says she identifies as a gay man.  Her friendship circle at school, although small has always been mainly girls, and is at uni.

Through all this we have tried to be as supportive as possible.  She's changed her name to Charlie, I can't use male pronouns with her because she is just too girly, so I try to use gender neutral terms.

She dresses in jeans and baggy tees, she's a carbon copy of me at her age.  Her reactions are girly, things are 'too cute' and 'adorable'.

During this past year it has been suggested to me that she may have social communication issues and she has recently been diagnosed as aspergers. 

Now the issue I've got is, is she aspergers with gender issues or is she a transgender with aspergers.  When Aspergers was first suggested I had a light bulb moment, things fell into place.  She had alsways been hard work, but she was the youngest of 4, Daddy's 'Ka Ka pants'.  I thought she was opinionated, argumentative, obsessive, looking at these traits with an aspergers lens things made sense.

Applyiong a transgender lens isn't having the same affect, and I don't know what to do for the best. She has now changed her name by deed poll.  My gut reaction is that she is a girl.  I've talked to her about this, but she is upset by my opinion.  I don't know how best to support her.

I just wanted to know if anyone else had had similar experiences, or advice.

Sorry for the long post.

My daughter started with panic attacks in her final year of high school.  I ended up sitting in school as she did her GCSEs because I was the only person who could calm her.  She got good results in her exams, mainly As and Bs and went on to college.  The panic attacks and anxiety got worse and by Christmas it was clear that she couldn't carry on in college. I had tried everything, I'd talked my jaw off, tough love,you don't get advice on the best way to deal with these sorts of situations.  So, my clever beautiful girl was at home a complete nervous wreck, couldn't go to the shop, couldn't speak to her grandparents on the phone.  She did CBT, she said it didn't help. She had counselling, she thought he was an idiot, convinced that her dictatorial parents were bullying her into something she didn't want to do. We are actually a very close supportive family.  She completed Prince's Trust which increased her confidence, she did a 1 year apprenticeship in the Primary School she attended which further boosted her confidence.   When out of the blue she decided she wanted to attend university to study art, something she's been obsessive about forever.  

So 12 months on she's just completed her 1st year, she still has panic attacks, she is on fluxocetine for her anxiety, which she stops taking with alarming regularity because she thinks she doesn't need it any more.

A lot of waffle I know, but, when she was filling her forms in for her first year she told me she identified as male.  Talk about bomb shell. She went out with a girl for a matterof days and looked awkward as all hell.  Her next partner was a boy she is still friends with, she looked much more comfortable cuddling into him.   She's also been out with another boy which has finished over the gender issue. She says she identifies as a gay man.  Her friendship circle at school, although small has always been mainly girls, and is at uni.

Through all this we have tried to be as supportive as possible.  She's changed her name to Charlie, I can't use male pronouns with her because she is just too girly, so I try to use gender neutral terms.

She dresses in jeans and baggy tees, she's a carbon copy of me at her age.  Her reactions are girly, things are 'too cute' and 'adorable'.

During this past year it has been suggested to me that she may have social communication issues and she has recently been diagnosed as aspergers. 

Now the issue I've got is, is she aspergers with gender issues or is she a transgender with aspergers.  When Aspergers was first suggested I had a light bulb moment, things fell into place.  She had alsways been hard work, but she was the youngest of 4, Daddy's 'Ka Ka pants'.  I thought she was opinionated, argumentative, obsessive, looking at these traits with an aspergers lens things made sense.

Applyiong a transgender lens isn't having the same affect, and I don't know what to do for the best. She has now changed her name by deed poll.  My gut reaction is that she is a girl.  I've talked to her about this, but she is upset by my opinion.  I don't know how best to support her.

I just wanted to know if anyone else had had similar experiences, or advice.

Sorry for the long post.