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Sleep and Anxiety in 10 year old son

NAS88814

Hi,

This is my first post and I'm really struggling.

Our son was diagnosed nearly a year ago. He is 10, nearly 11, and has always suffered with anxiety. In the last 6 months he has struggled to get to sleep on a daily basis and wakes repeatedly in the night and then struggles to get back to sleep. 

The GP has been wonderful. We are on the waiting list for counselling and we started melatonin last week. It's not working, yet anyway.

For the last 6 months I have been going to bed at 8pm and sitting with him whilst he falls asleep because his anxiety causes him such discomfort if I am not there. My husband and I don't get to spend any time together and my younger daughter feels hugely left out and that I am not spending any time with her. 

He is very unhappy and wants his old life back and I desperately want to help him, but I just don't know what else to do. I bought a weighted blanket which he refused to try last night because of the heat.

Has anyone had any experience of this? I am feeling so low and so helpless. He is tired, and I am tired. 

Lauren

Parents

  • Hi Lauren, 

    I need to start by saying that I feel for you deeply in this situation - it sounds so so hard. I also need to make it clear that I'm not a parent and so I can't offer parental advice, but I was once a small autistic anxious child. 

    Has anything changed at school that might be spiking the anxiety? I am 35 and live alone, but am also still very anxious at night. When I stay with my parents I sleep like the dead. I think there is that knowing someone is there that makes me feel safe? Would there be scope to put a mattress on your floor and have him sleep close to you, so you can verbally reassure him if he stirs in the night? 

    I am not in any way advocating for drugging a child, but I personally find anti anxiety medications help make my life more livable. I don't know what the rules are with children though and I would hate to speculate. 

    Lastly I would try and dig down into what exactly the root causes of the anxiety are. It could be dark, or alone, or dreams, or phobias, and these can all be worked with. Sometimes finding and naming the fear makes it more tangible. I still find this now as an adult. For an example I am petrified of spiders so having my mum check my bedding and pillow for spiders before I got in made me feel a lot better. 

    Sorry I can't offer something more concrete. My sister is a mum to two kids and I see how totally knackered she is. It's relentless. Well done for keeping on keeping on. 

    x

Reply

  • Hi Lauren, 

    I need to start by saying that I feel for you deeply in this situation - it sounds so so hard. I also need to make it clear that I'm not a parent and so I can't offer parental advice, but I was once a small autistic anxious child. 

    Has anything changed at school that might be spiking the anxiety? I am 35 and live alone, but am also still very anxious at night. When I stay with my parents I sleep like the dead. I think there is that knowing someone is there that makes me feel safe? Would there be scope to put a mattress on your floor and have him sleep close to you, so you can verbally reassure him if he stirs in the night? 

    I am not in any way advocating for drugging a child, but I personally find anti anxiety medications help make my life more livable. I don't know what the rules are with children though and I would hate to speculate. 

    Lastly I would try and dig down into what exactly the root causes of the anxiety are. It could be dark, or alone, or dreams, or phobias, and these can all be worked with. Sometimes finding and naming the fear makes it more tangible. I still find this now as an adult. For an example I am petrified of spiders so having my mum check my bedding and pillow for spiders before I got in made me feel a lot better. 

    Sorry I can't offer something more concrete. My sister is a mum to two kids and I see how totally knackered she is. It's relentless. Well done for keeping on keeping on. 

    x

Children
  • in reply to Autumn_Trees

    Anti-anxiety meds work because unlike SSRI's they boost GABA, which there are numerous studies on that Autistics and ADHD are low in. This is the biological stuff responsible for shutting down accelerating and out of control thoughts, including Gamma waves busy fixing complex problems one might be too young to deal with or just a looping melody becoming demanding. Anxiety is a biological issue for most Autistics. 

    There are a lot more complexities today than 100 or 1000 years ago, though every time has its own issues. But the isolation in the modern era is incredibly new and as Eric Fromm (among many other sociologists/psychologists) points out, it is the root of all addiction. We live in a time with the kind of stresses humans have never dealt with.