Published on 12, July, 2020
My teen is very aware of her autism and how much it impacts her life. She has always been very tuned into her thoughts which is a challenge to deal with.
Her sister, 15, keeps being very unkind and her brother doesn't understand or know she is autistic. Her sister keeps calling her petty and selfish a lot recently.
She has overcome a lot and the past week has able to adapt to everyday challenges like showering without being told and using a different bowl when the usual one isn't available. These sound tiny issues but in her eyes they are the end of the world, massive and this is a huge achievement.
Her sister knows she is autistic but I don't think she cares much because she masks a lot therefore doesn't 'struggle' or 'act autistic' whatever that looks like. Just her being alive I am grateful for but her mental health is rapidly dealing because she sees how different she is to others and what she struggles with. I am staying positive but I hate seeing her like this.
Any suggestions on how to help will be amazing.
Hi there,
Really enjoyed reading your post - it sounds like you're in a tough spot though.
Much like the person before me I should start by saying when I was a 15 year old girl I didn't know I was autistic and also I don't have children of my own, so this isn't parenting advice, just advice from someone who was once in her shoes.
Showing her care and compassion is going to be so important at this time. I would tend to agree that education of the other daughter is going to be a big part of this - she clearly doesn't have a grasp of what it is your autistic child is going through. If the boy is too young to understand fully, maybe just explaining that this child is a bit different and we have to be extra patient with her.
I am not here to create a sense of doom or fear, but I would keep an eye out for signs of self harm or eating issues. I assume she's a teen/tween and this tends to be where these things will crop up (speaking from experience). both are expressions of feeling isolated and misunderstood. If you have the funds, getting her to talk to an autism informed therapist regularly might be nice - I'm sure you're an amazing parent but it isn't always possible to say the things you need to say to a parent. An impartial external person could be really beneficial for her to try and navigate the difficult years she has ahead.
Feeling very proud of your daughter for the little wins you mentioned. I'm 35 and consider myself pretty high functioning (I can drive, I have a job and live independently) but I still can't shower without multiple reminders and only eat cereal out of one specific bowl. So maybe some things just won't change!
Keep writing we'd love to hear more about your girl :)