Published on 12, July, 2020
My teen is very aware of her autism and how much it impacts her life. She has always been very tuned into her thoughts which is a challenge to deal with.
Her sister, 15, keeps being very unkind and her brother doesn't understand or know she is autistic. Her sister keeps calling her petty and selfish a lot recently.
She has overcome a lot and the past week has able to adapt to everyday challenges like showering without being told and using a different bowl when the usual one isn't available. These sound tiny issues but in her eyes they are the end of the world, massive and this is a huge achievement.
Her sister knows she is autistic but I don't think she cares much because she masks a lot therefore doesn't 'struggle' or 'act autistic' whatever that looks like. Just her being alive I am grateful for but her mental health is rapidly dealing because she sees how different she is to others and what she struggles with. I am staying positive but I hate seeing her like this.
Any suggestions on how to help will be amazing.
With the caveat that when I was fifteen I didn't know I was autistic and was very functional (it didn't last) and also that I don't have children...
Have you explained to the non-autistic daughter just how her autistic sister's life is affected and made difficult by autism and that her comments are cruel and upsetting? I know fifteen is a difficult age even for someone who isn't autistic, but it's old enough for her to make some kind of effort.
Incidentally, is she older or younger than the autistic daughter? Maybe that's a factor. Does she feel that her sister has marked her as "different" in the eyes of her peers? Does she get bullied for being the sister of a "different" teenager?
Other than that, keep showering your autistic daughter with love, support and positive reinforcement. And do it to your non-autistic daughter too, because maybe she resents the attention her autistic sister is getting. Definitely reinforce positive interactions between your daughters more than penalising negative ones.