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Burnout - 12 year old son

NAS77247

Hi,

Im new here!

My son was diagnosed in January after waiting just over 5 years. ASD and I believe PDA. His school placement broke down due to unsupported needs and we found ourselves Home Edding since December 2022. He was coming home from school having meltdowns and shutdowns lasting hours, not eating, not sleeping and wishing he wasnt here anymore.  Still not support. He has always faced school trauma so home edding isnt the be all and end all.  I am seperated from his dad and his dad has all but disowned him not believing autism is a thing!

It all started well BUT over the last few weeks he has gradually been "disappearing inside himself".  He has friends locally but is generally pushing them away and preferring an online presence.  He isn't sleeping (falling asleep around 5am, waking at 2pm).  Not communicating, not eating or drinking (only the bare minimum, he says he isn't hungry or thirst).  I am providing him with vitamins to supplement this.

Once he is up he will retreat to the computer room and basically stay there.  He does come out to go to the toilet and walk about a bit, but then straight back in.  (Taking the electronics away from his is not an option, its his only social connection with the outside world and helps him to regulate).

He doesn't want to shower and finds brushing his teeth too sensory.  We can usually get over this but recently he just can't do it.

I have tried speaking to him about how he might be feeling but he shuts down.  Just saying that he feels unwell.  He hasn't been outside in a good few weeks.  I have suggested a GP appointment or if he wants to talk to someone (it doesn;t have to be me).  He just says there is no point.

Could this be Autistic Burnout?  The more I read about it the more I feel it is.  But I don't know what to do next.

If I seek an appointment with the gp and he doesn't go I am happy to go but is this something they will diagnose.

Any help would be greatly appreciated

Sharon

Parents

  • Hi my son is 11 and I can relate to what you are saying, he was at school however I think he struggled.  The school holidays have been very challenging, we have allowed him to have much more screen time than usual, and he has done activities and clubs or met friends on other days.  On the days that nothing is scheduled, he can spend hours going from his phone to the tv to the iPad, from the time he wakes to the time he goes to sleep.  He doesn't have a tv in his room and isn't allowed devices in his bedroom at night.  He starts secondary school on Tuesday & I am worried about how he will make the transition.  I know a routine works much better for him or having something else to concentrate on.  Before he was allowed screens, he would spend all his time reading.  I went to see a support worker for the first time today & my son has also been referred to CAHMS although the waiting times are long.  He had a private assessment but didn't meet the threshold for an autism diagnosis, but shows signs of PDA which has become increasingly difficult over the summer holidays.  I cannot communicate with him as he is on a  screen all day, he wants to talk at night when I am exhuasted and have very little compassion after being shouted and sworn at all day.  He refused to come to the appointment with me today, my husband and I went.  

    Today I have hidden remote controls and phone/ipad chargers & said he can have them back after we've had a conversation but he's not willing to.  I'm worried that things will get worse and I don't know when to put my foot down & stand my ground or when to back off and leave him alone.  We've tried all approaches and neither seem to work - except when we leave him be, there are no arguments or upsets.

    I'm sorry for what you are going through, I know how difficult it is.  See you GP - keep a record of daily events and hopefully they can refer you for some support.

Reply

  • Hi my son is 11 and I can relate to what you are saying, he was at school however I think he struggled.  The school holidays have been very challenging, we have allowed him to have much more screen time than usual, and he has done activities and clubs or met friends on other days.  On the days that nothing is scheduled, he can spend hours going from his phone to the tv to the iPad, from the time he wakes to the time he goes to sleep.  He doesn't have a tv in his room and isn't allowed devices in his bedroom at night.  He starts secondary school on Tuesday & I am worried about how he will make the transition.  I know a routine works much better for him or having something else to concentrate on.  Before he was allowed screens, he would spend all his time reading.  I went to see a support worker for the first time today & my son has also been referred to CAHMS although the waiting times are long.  He had a private assessment but didn't meet the threshold for an autism diagnosis, but shows signs of PDA which has become increasingly difficult over the summer holidays.  I cannot communicate with him as he is on a  screen all day, he wants to talk at night when I am exhuasted and have very little compassion after being shouted and sworn at all day.  He refused to come to the appointment with me today, my husband and I went.  

    Today I have hidden remote controls and phone/ipad chargers & said he can have them back after we've had a conversation but he's not willing to.  I'm worried that things will get worse and I don't know when to put my foot down & stand my ground or when to back off and leave him alone.  We've tried all approaches and neither seem to work - except when we leave him be, there are no arguments or upsets.

    I'm sorry for what you are going through, I know how difficult it is.  See you GP - keep a record of daily events and hopefully they can refer you for some support.

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