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Burnout - 12 year old son

NAS77247

Hi,

Im new here!

My son was diagnosed in January after waiting just over 5 years. ASD and I believe PDA. His school placement broke down due to unsupported needs and we found ourselves Home Edding since December 2022. He was coming home from school having meltdowns and shutdowns lasting hours, not eating, not sleeping and wishing he wasnt here anymore.  Still not support. He has always faced school trauma so home edding isnt the be all and end all.  I am seperated from his dad and his dad has all but disowned him not believing autism is a thing!

It all started well BUT over the last few weeks he has gradually been "disappearing inside himself".  He has friends locally but is generally pushing them away and preferring an online presence.  He isn't sleeping (falling asleep around 5am, waking at 2pm).  Not communicating, not eating or drinking (only the bare minimum, he says he isn't hungry or thirst).  I am providing him with vitamins to supplement this.

Once he is up he will retreat to the computer room and basically stay there.  He does come out to go to the toilet and walk about a bit, but then straight back in.  (Taking the electronics away from his is not an option, its his only social connection with the outside world and helps him to regulate).

He doesn't want to shower and finds brushing his teeth too sensory.  We can usually get over this but recently he just can't do it.

I have tried speaking to him about how he might be feeling but he shuts down.  Just saying that he feels unwell.  He hasn't been outside in a good few weeks.  I have suggested a GP appointment or if he wants to talk to someone (it doesn;t have to be me).  He just says there is no point.

Could this be Autistic Burnout?  The more I read about it the more I feel it is.  But I don't know what to do next.

If I seek an appointment with the gp and he doesn't go I am happy to go but is this something they will diagnose.

Any help would be greatly appreciated

Sharon

Parents
  • NAS77247 said:
    Could this be Autistic Burnout?

    It sounds more like depression.

    In spite of the home education releiving the school pressures, he will now feel more cut off from his friends in school who would have been part of his support network. He may also be feeling more of a weirdo in having to be educated by his mum - at 12 years old that is a thing I recall (embarassment at being around your parents).

    Your GP may be able to help if you can persuade your son to go, but I would detail his behaviours in a jornal to take as proof to the doctor otherwise it will be a bit "he said, she said" in the discussion.

    For his sleeping patterns I would consider laying down some rules and enforcing a internet disconnect overnight by unlugging the router if you have to, or just disableing the connections if you are familiar with the admin interface on the router.

    For many, a routine will bring structure and a sense or order to help them build themselves back up from. He has had a lot of changes this year (which are had for most autists to handle) and these are probably adding to his burnout / depression.

    With the school year starting I would recommend enforcing a routine, maybe confiscating his phone overnight and if he does not engage, then speaking with a therapist to try to get to be root of the issues affecting him. The therapist may recommend antidepressants but you need to speak to your GP about these before they will consider prescribing them.

    It won't be an easy fix so professional help will be important.

    Good luck.

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you. This is helpful.

    I'll add that I don't teach him.  I'm not a teacher.  I just facilitate learning.  So he basically chooses his interests and then decides how he wishes to learn it and we find a way.  He does a lot of group learning and we have socialised through the home ed groups.  I work full time so certainly don't teach him anything. 

Reply
  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you. This is helpful.

    I'll add that I don't teach him.  I'm not a teacher.  I just facilitate learning.  So he basically chooses his interests and then decides how he wishes to learn it and we find a way.  He does a lot of group learning and we have socialised through the home ed groups.  I work full time so certainly don't teach him anything. 

Children
  • in reply to NAS77247

    Does he have any areas on interest you could try to get him to use as motivation?

    It could be trains, computers, games etc - there are ways we can try to use these to help focus his energies and build more structured learning from it.

  • in reply to Iain

    Not overstepping at all.  I was so surprised when I read up on Home Education just how different from school it actually is.  He can still get qualifications in whatever he wants.  Once he know what path he would like his life to take from a work point of view then he can see what he need for that job and then study for it.  It turns out that home ed you learn a lot quicker as you don't have 40 other kids all trying to learn it at the same time.

  • in reply to NAS77247
    NAS77247 said:
    So he basically chooses his interests and then decides how he wishes to learn it and we find a way.

    I thought you had to follow the national cirriculum fo home education but it turns out I was wrong:

    https://www.gov.uk/home-education

    You must make sure your child receives a full-time education from the age of 5, but you do not have to follow the national curriculum.

    You learn something new every day!

    I think the lack of structure may be an issue, but without knowing him this will be hard to estimate. Definately a job for a therapist who may also be able to work on a structured plan with you both.

    There is scope to teach him a lot of very useful life skills this way - do you have anyone who could mentor him and maybe give him a part time job to give skills that will be of use when he has to face the outside world?

    I suspect a basic set of qualifications will be useful to stop him being disadvantaged when he gets to employment age - have you considered what you want to do around this yet?

    Apologies if I'm overstepping here - feel free to ignore my questions.