• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 68 subscribers
  • Views 781 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Recent Diagnosis, pre teen reluctant to socialise

NAS86176

Hi there, im completely new here so please forgive me for not knowing what im doing!

my sons almost 13, only recently been diagnosed with ASD. i cant tell you if hes an average autistic pre teen as i have no one else to compare him too. hes calm,  hes kind, gentle, loving, caring, very talented with music, hes well behaved - never have any trouble from him. he was very premature at birth and we just assumed he was playing catch up with his peers but he just never "caught up". we fought for ages to get a diagnosis and that was just traumatic. CAMHS put us through hell if im honest. anyway... i just want to no if anyone else's child isn't keen on socialising out of school? i believe he has a good group of mates at school, and it appears they all have either autism or ADHD themselves. everything i suggest for him outside of school is answered with "no". ive looked into youth clubs, ask him if he'd like mates round after school, for him to invite people out with us, or to meet them down our local park etc. he just has no interest at all. he doesn't seem bothered whatsoever, but i just get so sad. hes a lone child (he has 3 siblings from his father but doesn't see them). i just feel like im pushing him to be an average 13yr old. i see groups of kids playing in the park or riding round on their bikes together and i just get upset. hes not depressed and doesn't suffer low mood. i think he suffers anxiety and does have mild tourettes.

im being tested for ASD myself and i keep thinking back to when i was his age, and try comparing myself to him. i had a few sleep overs but i dont remember if i was ever bothered about going out. i no i became more sociable as i got older but never quite felt the same as my peers. 

sorry but suffering anxiety myself and trying to understand this new diagnosis!

Parents

  • Hi, I wouldn't worry about him not wanting to socialise outside school. School can be quite overwhelming and it's very understandable to need some down time and alone time after being around people all day. It's great that he has mates at school. To me it doesn't sound like there is anything at all to worry about. In fact, it is quite healthy and good to recognise when you need to have some time alone and to not push yourself too much to 'comply with the expectations/ social norm'. I wouldn't worry and I wouldn't push it. It's important he can be himself and it sounds like he might also enjoy spending some time on his own after school. You have suggested having friends over, so he knows this is an option- maybe he'll feel like in the holidays when there is less socialising already at school, but maybe he won't and that is fine. I am autistic as well, and I do like seeing people sometimes, but also need plenty of alone time and especially when I am tired, overwhelmed or around people all day, I really do not have the capacity for any socialising (sometimes not even a phone call). In the past, I pushed myself more, but ultimately that just exhausted me and contributed to burnout. I think it is so so important to listen to your needs and learn to do what is good for YOU no matter the social norm. It sounds like your son is doing exactly that! Which is great! So I wouldn't worry!!! Best, Ann 

Reply

  • Hi, I wouldn't worry about him not wanting to socialise outside school. School can be quite overwhelming and it's very understandable to need some down time and alone time after being around people all day. It's great that he has mates at school. To me it doesn't sound like there is anything at all to worry about. In fact, it is quite healthy and good to recognise when you need to have some time alone and to not push yourself too much to 'comply with the expectations/ social norm'. I wouldn't worry and I wouldn't push it. It's important he can be himself and it sounds like he might also enjoy spending some time on his own after school. You have suggested having friends over, so he knows this is an option- maybe he'll feel like in the holidays when there is less socialising already at school, but maybe he won't and that is fine. I am autistic as well, and I do like seeing people sometimes, but also need plenty of alone time and especially when I am tired, overwhelmed or around people all day, I really do not have the capacity for any socialising (sometimes not even a phone call). In the past, I pushed myself more, but ultimately that just exhausted me and contributed to burnout. I think it is so so important to listen to your needs and learn to do what is good for YOU no matter the social norm. It sounds like your son is doing exactly that! Which is great! So I wouldn't worry!!! Best, Ann 

Children
No Data