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Son being so aggressive, any advice?

AbC123

Hello, 

I have posted before about my 6 and a half year old son. He has ASD. He goes from being calm to loosing control within 1 second. 

He can loose control and wrecks the house and physically hurts me, my husband and out 4 year old daughter. As adults we are fine. But today he really injured my daughter

He threw a ball for our dog. It landed by my daughters feet she picked it up and threw it. He was angry as he didn't have control of the ball. (Control is a huge issue, we cant play games where he's not in control)

He then swung my daughter around and threw her into the tuff tray. 

She had the most horrendous nose bleed. 

I felt so sick and upset. As I didn't keep her safe. 

He said he wants to kill her and I took him to his room. 

Every single day he is aggressive and physically hurts her and particularly my husband. At the weekend he wanted to get a kitchen knife to 'kill dad' and he was going to 'stab him' I had to physically keep him out the kitchen. 

After these incidents he screams for hours! 

We are on the wait for CAMHS 

But in case there is anyone out there, was there a method that works or helps?

He gets sent to his room/ looses screen time which is his treat. 

Looses magazines after a warning. If you do this again, you will not have you Friday magazine. But he's so impulsive. 

Does anyone have advice? 

I just don't know what to do. 

It's daily and I just can't leave my daughter along with him. 

When I do, she's always hurt. When I have a shower she sits in the bathroom with me. 

Thank you so much 

Xx

Parents

  • im wondering if old upbringing style of smacking kids would help here... if your son knew that any violent action would result in equal violence back at him and he doesnt like the pain it causes himself perhaps he wouldnt take to violence for he wouldnt want ti back at him?

    just wondering on that mind you.... it does kinda make sense and is likely a reason alot of kids brought up these days are violent as they are not taught this consequence and dont fear anyone doing anything back to them and think they can do anything harmful to others and not have it back at them. they used to say spare the rod spoilt the child. its kinda this.

    i mean people can say its wrong, but what is worse? smacking your kid when they are young, or seeing them murder someone elses kid and losing them to a life long prison sentence where your kid gets hurt even more in many ways in prison?

    sometimes cutting some trees down lets light in and saves the forest and allows for better tree growth, to spare more trees you have to cut some down... i dunno it probably still wont get through to people what im trying to say.

    main fact of the matter though is its pretty serious if it gets violent and death threats and causes harm and threatens to use knife... that sort of thing requires immediate serious fix no matter if anyone thinks the fix is immoral or unethical or whatever... because a unethical fix by todays standards is better than the outcome of allowing it and then someone else getting stabbed and then losing your kid to a prison sentence... any unethical fix to this issue is better than the potential double loss for you and for another if it isnt sorted.

  • in reply to Caelus

    Hello Caelus

    We have actually used the ' if you hit me, I hit you back's technique. 

    This did not help. 

    I felt awful and it escalated the situation a few times. Until we decided this wasn't our way forward. 

    He has no fear 

    Even happily is aggressive with teenagers/ strange adults.

    We just have no support from anyone and as a mum I love my son! But I don't knownhow to help him with this anger/ brain voice he talks about and hurting himself 

    It's the worst experience finding blood over his bed where he has hurt himself. 

    Thank you for replying 

  • in reply to AbC123

    Yeah but self harm isn’t really consistent with autism alone but it could be consistent with chronic depression. I wonder if there is some sort of very extreme depression going on or some similar underlying mental condition where he’s just so short tempered and short fused because he is not able to process these really unpleasant emotions of feeling down or frustrated all the  time

  • in reply to Peter

    A doctor would be amazing! If someone would see my son. The GP refers to CAMHS, we go again ' I will chase CAMHS' this is our 4th time in 3 months. As well as chasing through the IFD. We get no where.

    I like to hear different opinions of what others have been through as any information helps. 

    He has a happy home. 

    He has his swim club, has a loved hot dinner every night. Sunday pancakes 

    Trips abroad / camping which get him in his happier place. 

    I do hope we get a doctor soon

  • in reply to Caelus

    It's ironic that sexuality in men is viewed as dangerous and threatening by so many. I vaguely recall a study where they looked at testosterone, mood and behaviour in male football fans. Team looses, mood goes down, testosterone goes down, tendency to violence increases. Team wins mood goes up, testosterone goes up, tendency to sexual activity increases. Really society should be far more afraid of depressed men than horny men.

    Pointing out at this junction of course that depression is a mental illness and it's wrong to stigmatise people for it even if it does predispose them to violence.

    But thats by the side. It might not be simple depression. Lot's of things might fit. He's a bit young for PTSD but even that would fit. A doctor is sounding more and more like a good idea.

Reply
  • in reply to Caelus

    It's ironic that sexuality in men is viewed as dangerous and threatening by so many. I vaguely recall a study where they looked at testosterone, mood and behaviour in male football fans. Team looses, mood goes down, testosterone goes down, tendency to violence increases. Team wins mood goes up, testosterone goes up, tendency to sexual activity increases. Really society should be far more afraid of depressed men than horny men.

    Pointing out at this junction of course that depression is a mental illness and it's wrong to stigmatise people for it even if it does predispose them to violence.

    But thats by the side. It might not be simple depression. Lot's of things might fit. He's a bit young for PTSD but even that would fit. A doctor is sounding more and more like a good idea.

Children
  • in reply to Peter

    A doctor would be amazing! If someone would see my son. The GP refers to CAMHS, we go again ' I will chase CAMHS' this is our 4th time in 3 months. As well as chasing through the IFD. We get no where.

    I like to hear different opinions of what others have been through as any information helps. 

    He has a happy home. 

    He has his swim club, has a loved hot dinner every night. Sunday pancakes 

    Trips abroad / camping which get him in his happier place. 

    I do hope we get a doctor soon