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Son being so aggressive, any advice?

AbC123

Hello, 

I have posted before about my 6 and a half year old son. He has ASD. He goes from being calm to loosing control within 1 second. 

He can loose control and wrecks the house and physically hurts me, my husband and out 4 year old daughter. As adults we are fine. But today he really injured my daughter

He threw a ball for our dog. It landed by my daughters feet she picked it up and threw it. He was angry as he didn't have control of the ball. (Control is a huge issue, we cant play games where he's not in control)

He then swung my daughter around and threw her into the tuff tray. 

She had the most horrendous nose bleed. 

I felt so sick and upset. As I didn't keep her safe. 

He said he wants to kill her and I took him to his room. 

Every single day he is aggressive and physically hurts her and particularly my husband. At the weekend he wanted to get a kitchen knife to 'kill dad' and he was going to 'stab him' I had to physically keep him out the kitchen. 

After these incidents he screams for hours! 

We are on the wait for CAMHS 

But in case there is anyone out there, was there a method that works or helps?

He gets sent to his room/ looses screen time which is his treat. 

Looses magazines after a warning. If you do this again, you will not have you Friday magazine. But he's so impulsive. 

Does anyone have advice? 

I just don't know what to do. 

It's daily and I just can't leave my daughter along with him. 

When I do, she's always hurt. When I have a shower she sits in the bathroom with me. 

Thank you so much 

Xx

Parents

  • im wondering if old upbringing style of smacking kids would help here... if your son knew that any violent action would result in equal violence back at him and he doesnt like the pain it causes himself perhaps he wouldnt take to violence for he wouldnt want ti back at him?

    just wondering on that mind you.... it does kinda make sense and is likely a reason alot of kids brought up these days are violent as they are not taught this consequence and dont fear anyone doing anything back to them and think they can do anything harmful to others and not have it back at them. they used to say spare the rod spoilt the child. its kinda this.

    i mean people can say its wrong, but what is worse? smacking your kid when they are young, or seeing them murder someone elses kid and losing them to a life long prison sentence where your kid gets hurt even more in many ways in prison?

    sometimes cutting some trees down lets light in and saves the forest and allows for better tree growth, to spare more trees you have to cut some down... i dunno it probably still wont get through to people what im trying to say.

    main fact of the matter though is its pretty serious if it gets violent and death threats and causes harm and threatens to use knife... that sort of thing requires immediate serious fix no matter if anyone thinks the fix is immoral or unethical or whatever... because a unethical fix by todays standards is better than the outcome of allowing it and then someone else getting stabbed and then losing your kid to a prison sentence... any unethical fix to this issue is better than the potential double loss for you and for another if it isnt sorted.

  • in reply to Caelus

    Hi,

    This is a reminder of our rule 12 'Posts which are deemed by the moderation team to be promoting illegal activity or putting a person at risk will be deleted without warning.'  

    Please note that the law on smacking varies throughout the UK. In Scotland and Wales, it is banned and in England and Wales it is It is unlawful for a parent or carer to smack their child, except where this amounts to ‘reasonable punishment’.

    For further information, please visit https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/the-law-on-smacking-children/ 

    If you have any questions relating to this, please contact communitymanager@nas.org.uk 

    Kind regards, 

    Clare Mod

  • in reply to Clare Mod

    This is a good point. How are we approaching laws that vary between uk territories? For example if the Scottish government is successful in legalising personal drug use (unlikely I know but they are trying) Will it become acceptable to promote drug use here? Another example might be a variation of the Gretna green question. In Scotland 16 year olds can marry with out parental consent. In England they can't marry at all. How should we deal with an autistic 16 year old asking for advice about wanting to get married?

  • in reply to Peter

    Agreed. I trained as a social worker and practise under the law of England and Wales. I do know a bit about Scots law, mainly about mental capacity, but it is not my area of expertise. Although I do not give professional advice on this site, any comments or suggestions I choose to make will be from an English perspective. Caveat lector.

  • in reply to Ian

    But this isn’t an England only website, the person asking might very well be in Scotland.

Reply Children
  • in reply to Peter

    Agreed. I trained as a social worker and practise under the law of England and Wales. I do know a bit about Scots law, mainly about mental capacity, but it is not my area of expertise. Although I do not give professional advice on this site, any comments or suggestions I choose to make will be from an English perspective. Caveat lector.