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Screen time advice with 11 year old son

Nikmum

Hi 

My son was assessed privately last year & didn't meet the threshold for ASD but there are a few traits & things he struggles with.  He has always loved screen time - playing games on his iPad & he would earn this time & there were set limits per day.  He also got a phone after Christmas as did lots of children at school - again he was only allowed this at certain times for set periods. However there were always issues and arguments when his time was up & we asked him to come off - even giving 15 min & 5 min warnings didn't help. He had a trip away to Spain with school which he struggled with & also has been anxious about leaving school & starting a new senior school.  As there was a lot less school work he had more time after school & we relaxed on the limits with screen time.  He joined some group chats with school friends (he hasn't actually got many close friends) & at first would make contact and play with them online.  This quickly changed to him playing on his own & alternating between minecraft on iPad to you tube videos on his phone - sometimes both at the same time.  As he is unable to use the phone & iPad reasonably we set timers on the phone as to when he can use it & for how long.  We said we were happy to discuss with him these timings & there will be occasions when he can have more however this week we have had a couple of melt downs & he is not willing to discuss this at all with us and instead wants us to remove all limits.  I really am at a loss as to how to communicate with him & put reasonable boundaries in place.  I can see over the past few weeks that if we don't he will be on the iPad & phone for hours at a time - he has started school holidays already.

Any advice will be gratefully received.

Parents

  • My son had therapy (for a different issue) when he was younger. I found a therapist that was willing to work pro bono/ pay what we could basis because the wait with CAMHS was too long to wait for their help. My son's therapist used CBT and DBT methods through play therapy to help him gain awareness of his emotions and show him strategies for dealing with his feelings. A lot of therapists state whether they have experience of or understanding about autism and you can put that in the search to narrow down suitable therapists. We got feedback after every session and information about strategies that she was showing him so that we could do it at home too. Overall we found it a positive experience and it saved our sanity as my son's issues were impacting all of us. Sometimes if a problem feels unmanageable or overwhelming it's helpful to have someone to look at the situation with fresh eyes and get a new perspective. 

  • in reply to This Person (Ottilie)

    yes I think I need to explore this further and although my husband & I have been in therapy at various times, it seems a bit extreme to be thinking my son needs therapy at 11 years old - but if he was physically poorly, I would take him to a GP without a second thought 

  • in reply to Nikmum

    Have you looked at autism coaching? This is something I'm considering for myself. Talking therapy for autism related things just doesn't work for me. I need something more practical than talking about my feelings. Just a thought I had earlier. 

  • in reply to This Person (Ottilie)

    yep that might be a better place to start for him - he had an online guitar lesson this morning & watching him, he is so much more receptive to other people / professionals than he is to me or his dad.  He's really angry / frustrated with us

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