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Daughter recently diagnosed and family member rejecting the diagnosis

NAS87577

Hi everyone. I’m new to the community. My 8 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism and ADHD this week. We suspected she may be on the spectrum and paid for private testing as the wait with CAMHS is up to 18 months where we live. Still, we were shocked when it was confirmed. I guess I had been stressing myself out thinking they would just say her behaviours were down to something we had done or not done as parents. I know that’s crazy, but perhaps I was just trying to avoid reality. I’m at a bit of a loss at the moment waiting for the full report with the recommendations on how we and her school can support her. What’s made it worse is that my sister, who my daughter is very close to, has basically said the person who tested my daughter clearly doesn’t know what’s she talking about and that my daughter is a normal 8 year old who we have now labelled and will make paranoid. Now I'm worrying that what she has said is true. I researched alot before I chose the organisation to conduct the tests and they seemed good as they specialised in autism in girls. Now I am doubting it all. My sister has told her children that my daughter isn’t really autistic or have adhd and so they basically didn’t reply when my little girl told her favourite cousin she was autistic. For me, that seemed like a massive rejection of my daughter who wanted to tell her cousin because she adores him. I really needed my sister to be there to support me and my daughter but it seems she won’t be, even though we have been so close throughout our lives. My sister works in a secondary school and fiercely supports the SEN children she works with. This just makes it so much more difficult to understand why she is rejecting my daughter’s diagnosis. I just wanted to get it off my chest and ask how other people have dealt with their families rejecting a diagnosis in this way? Also, I’m a bit overwhelmed with all the information out there, and how I can help my daughter to understand her diagnosis. Not sure where to start really. Can anyone offer some advice?

Parents
  • NAS87577 said:
    my sister, who my daughter is very close to, has basically said the person who tested my daughter clearly doesn’t know what’s she talking about and that my daughter is a normal 8 year old

    Do any other members of your family exhibit autistic traits? There is a strong indication that it is genetic so what may appear normal for your syster may indeed be normal for her because it is also her normal.

    Is she saying she knows more than the specialist making the diagnosis? That sounds very arrogant or she does not want to face up to the fact that she may have "defective" people in her family (the quotes are because it could only be her perception - autists are not defective).

    Since she is a teacher who deals with SEN children, ask how she would go about getting an assessment she would believe. The schools will have access to something I'm sure and with your confirmed diagnosis, this should be straightforward to arrange.

    It would get the school 100% on board to help, shut your sisters complaints down and stop her from driving that wedge in your families.

    In terms of advce on where to start with understanding and explaining to your daughter, I would begin with this book:

    Asperger's Answer Book - The Top 275 Questions Parents Ask - Susan Ashley PhD (2006)

    ISBN 1402219776

    It seems more geared to your situation.

Reply
  • NAS87577 said:
    my sister, who my daughter is very close to, has basically said the person who tested my daughter clearly doesn’t know what’s she talking about and that my daughter is a normal 8 year old

    Do any other members of your family exhibit autistic traits? There is a strong indication that it is genetic so what may appear normal for your syster may indeed be normal for her because it is also her normal.

    Is she saying she knows more than the specialist making the diagnosis? That sounds very arrogant or she does not want to face up to the fact that she may have "defective" people in her family (the quotes are because it could only be her perception - autists are not defective).

    Since she is a teacher who deals with SEN children, ask how she would go about getting an assessment she would believe. The schools will have access to something I'm sure and with your confirmed diagnosis, this should be straightforward to arrange.

    It would get the school 100% on board to help, shut your sisters complaints down and stop her from driving that wedge in your families.

    In terms of advce on where to start with understanding and explaining to your daughter, I would begin with this book:

    Asperger's Answer Book - The Top 275 Questions Parents Ask - Susan Ashley PhD (2006)

    ISBN 1402219776

    It seems more geared to your situation.

Children
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