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Cassandra Disorder?

timewarpbunny

Hi there,

This is my first post on the forum, so be gentle.

2 years ago my wonderful little girl was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 3. She is a happy, affectionate and outgoing little girl, my little whirlwind. During the process of diagnosis both myself and the professionals dealing with my little girl started to notice Aspergers traits in my husband. One in fact asked me if he'd been diagnosed. I hadn't realised it myself but putting all the pieces together I realised he was.

He was happy with this realisation having always felt different and like an outsider, he didn't have to pretend anymore because he had a name for it. Since then, my life has fallen apart. He is cold, shows no affection, is verbally aggressive, keeps himself to himself and rarely takes part in family life. Our children annoy him and he can't cope with them. His special interest is cars and he has become a self employed mobile mechanic. I try to employ a lot of the things I learned in Earlybird to my husband, such as preparation, icebergs etc. Nothing helps, it's like he's determined to just be who he is and not make the effort at all. I know he can do it because he used to do it. It's like since he realised what he is, he has free reign to behave how he wants. He doesn't care if he hurts me.

I have never felt so lonely despite being surrounded by a very busy household. I have no emotional reciprocation from my husband. I don't even feel married anymore. I took off my wedding ring 2 weeks ago and he hasn't noticed. I'm depressed, anxious and have no self esteem at all. I'm a shadow of the person I used to be. I am at the stage where I am seriously considering divorce. I'd mention this to him, but it wouldn't make any difference. He wouldn't fight for our marriage. He'd shrug his shoulders and walk away. I love him to pieces and I want him to love me back, like he used to. Where do I go from here?

 

TWB

 

 

 

Parents

  • Hi,really sorry to hear your struggling so much with your husband.I know from struggling with my husband just how VERY hard it is,I feel im going mad sometimes and nobody understands.It would be helpfull to see someone you can both talk to that knows about asd,I have been in contact with Maxine Ashton who helps couples like us,some people have slated her for speaking out on how hard it is to be married to someone with asd and upset people with asd.I understand people with asd might find some of it hurtful and have tried not to cause hurt or upset as best as I can but it is very hard on us too,with many of us having children with asd in my case two boys who I love to bits and have faught teeth and nail for as well as my husband.I care very much about people with asd,they have alot to deal with in every aspect of life and so many people just have not got a clue including doctors and our goverment.But we have needs to,and can be very lonely and hurtful to get nothing back,we must try and help eachother.Tanya

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  • Hi,really sorry to hear your struggling so much with your husband.I know from struggling with my husband just how VERY hard it is,I feel im going mad sometimes and nobody understands.It would be helpfull to see someone you can both talk to that knows about asd,I have been in contact with Maxine Ashton who helps couples like us,some people have slated her for speaking out on how hard it is to be married to someone with asd and upset people with asd.I understand people with asd might find some of it hurtful and have tried not to cause hurt or upset as best as I can but it is very hard on us too,with many of us having children with asd in my case two boys who I love to bits and have faught teeth and nail for as well as my husband.I care very much about people with asd,they have alot to deal with in every aspect of life and so many people just have not got a clue including doctors and our goverment.But we have needs to,and can be very lonely and hurtful to get nothing back,we must try and help eachother.Tanya

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