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Cassandra Disorder?

timewarpbunny

Hi there,

This is my first post on the forum, so be gentle.

2 years ago my wonderful little girl was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 3. She is a happy, affectionate and outgoing little girl, my little whirlwind. During the process of diagnosis both myself and the professionals dealing with my little girl started to notice Aspergers traits in my husband. One in fact asked me if he'd been diagnosed. I hadn't realised it myself but putting all the pieces together I realised he was.

He was happy with this realisation having always felt different and like an outsider, he didn't have to pretend anymore because he had a name for it. Since then, my life has fallen apart. He is cold, shows no affection, is verbally aggressive, keeps himself to himself and rarely takes part in family life. Our children annoy him and he can't cope with them. His special interest is cars and he has become a self employed mobile mechanic. I try to employ a lot of the things I learned in Earlybird to my husband, such as preparation, icebergs etc. Nothing helps, it's like he's determined to just be who he is and not make the effort at all. I know he can do it because he used to do it. It's like since he realised what he is, he has free reign to behave how he wants. He doesn't care if he hurts me.

I have never felt so lonely despite being surrounded by a very busy household. I have no emotional reciprocation from my husband. I don't even feel married anymore. I took off my wedding ring 2 weeks ago and he hasn't noticed. I'm depressed, anxious and have no self esteem at all. I'm a shadow of the person I used to be. I am at the stage where I am seriously considering divorce. I'd mention this to him, but it wouldn't make any difference. He wouldn't fight for our marriage. He'd shrug his shoulders and walk away. I love him to pieces and I want him to love me back, like he used to. Where do I go from here?

 

TWB

 

 

 

Parents

  • I do know how you feel, although my situation is different in some ways. 

    My partner is awaiting assessment but is embracing his differences in another way. 

    However I do understand how 'you become a shadow of your former self' because I know I have done the same over the last 7 years. I am not as sociable and avoid parties and get togethers ..my friends have dwindled away and I feel lonely.

    Have you seen the book 'Aspergers couples work book'..it's easy and quick to read when your resources are low and I found it helped me understand my partner better. There are more longer and more involved books out there but when you are tired and low this is a nice one to look at.

    I agree with the above that the car booting purchases were an attempt to show you he cared...so he could be trying to reach out here. I always find it hard to know when to talk to my partner and when to leave things for him to reflect on.

    One person said to me that sometimes with diagnosis a whole series of hurts can resurface as the person thinks back over past 'injustices' where they were judged harshly or misunderstood.

    I think this is true for both the ASD and NT partners...a mixture of relief and pain. But you are not alone and I hope you now feel like you have a release by using the forum.

    Please let us know how you are doing and do speak to your GP about how YOU are feeling too.

    Kindest regards

    x

Reply

  • I do know how you feel, although my situation is different in some ways. 

    My partner is awaiting assessment but is embracing his differences in another way. 

    However I do understand how 'you become a shadow of your former self' because I know I have done the same over the last 7 years. I am not as sociable and avoid parties and get togethers ..my friends have dwindled away and I feel lonely.

    Have you seen the book 'Aspergers couples work book'..it's easy and quick to read when your resources are low and I found it helped me understand my partner better. There are more longer and more involved books out there but when you are tired and low this is a nice one to look at.

    I agree with the above that the car booting purchases were an attempt to show you he cared...so he could be trying to reach out here. I always find it hard to know when to talk to my partner and when to leave things for him to reflect on.

    One person said to me that sometimes with diagnosis a whole series of hurts can resurface as the person thinks back over past 'injustices' where they were judged harshly or misunderstood.

    I think this is true for both the ASD and NT partners...a mixture of relief and pain. But you are not alone and I hope you now feel like you have a release by using the forum.

    Please let us know how you are doing and do speak to your GP about how YOU are feeling too.

    Kindest regards

    x

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