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Cassandra Disorder?

timewarpbunny

Hi there,

This is my first post on the forum, so be gentle.

2 years ago my wonderful little girl was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 3. She is a happy, affectionate and outgoing little girl, my little whirlwind. During the process of diagnosis both myself and the professionals dealing with my little girl started to notice Aspergers traits in my husband. One in fact asked me if he'd been diagnosed. I hadn't realised it myself but putting all the pieces together I realised he was.

He was happy with this realisation having always felt different and like an outsider, he didn't have to pretend anymore because he had a name for it. Since then, my life has fallen apart. He is cold, shows no affection, is verbally aggressive, keeps himself to himself and rarely takes part in family life. Our children annoy him and he can't cope with them. His special interest is cars and he has become a self employed mobile mechanic. I try to employ a lot of the things I learned in Earlybird to my husband, such as preparation, icebergs etc. Nothing helps, it's like he's determined to just be who he is and not make the effort at all. I know he can do it because he used to do it. It's like since he realised what he is, he has free reign to behave how he wants. He doesn't care if he hurts me.

I have never felt so lonely despite being surrounded by a very busy household. I have no emotional reciprocation from my husband. I don't even feel married anymore. I took off my wedding ring 2 weeks ago and he hasn't noticed. I'm depressed, anxious and have no self esteem at all. I'm a shadow of the person I used to be. I am at the stage where I am seriously considering divorce. I'd mention this to him, but it wouldn't make any difference. He wouldn't fight for our marriage. He'd shrug his shoulders and walk away. I love him to pieces and I want him to love me back, like he used to. Where do I go from here?

 

TWB

 

 

 

Parents

  • So sorry to hear about the situation you are in. It must be very painful for you; loving your husband but being met with coldness and verbal aggression. I really feel for you. I think you both need to consider getting some support - individually and, if possible, together. If he hasn't actually got an official diagnosis, perhaps he'd go for one and then through that receive the support he needs to come to terms with the diagnosis. You need support to lift your depression, anxiety and self-esteem. Do you have an understanding GP who could refer you to a counsellor? If that doesn't appeal, could you turn to a close friend or family member? I think you need to be listened to - at length. Be helped to find the person you used to be. I sense that if you felt stronger in yourself and your husband understood his diagnosis better, then these could be the first steps to repairing your marriage.

    I hope my words are of some help.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

Reply

  • So sorry to hear about the situation you are in. It must be very painful for you; loving your husband but being met with coldness and verbal aggression. I really feel for you. I think you both need to consider getting some support - individually and, if possible, together. If he hasn't actually got an official diagnosis, perhaps he'd go for one and then through that receive the support he needs to come to terms with the diagnosis. You need support to lift your depression, anxiety and self-esteem. Do you have an understanding GP who could refer you to a counsellor? If that doesn't appeal, could you turn to a close friend or family member? I think you need to be listened to - at length. Be helped to find the person you used to be. I sense that if you felt stronger in yourself and your husband understood his diagnosis better, then these could be the first steps to repairing your marriage.

    I hope my words are of some help.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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