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Cassandra Disorder?

timewarpbunny

Hi there,

This is my first post on the forum, so be gentle.

2 years ago my wonderful little girl was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 3. She is a happy, affectionate and outgoing little girl, my little whirlwind. During the process of diagnosis both myself and the professionals dealing with my little girl started to notice Aspergers traits in my husband. One in fact asked me if he'd been diagnosed. I hadn't realised it myself but putting all the pieces together I realised he was.

He was happy with this realisation having always felt different and like an outsider, he didn't have to pretend anymore because he had a name for it. Since then, my life has fallen apart. He is cold, shows no affection, is verbally aggressive, keeps himself to himself and rarely takes part in family life. Our children annoy him and he can't cope with them. His special interest is cars and he has become a self employed mobile mechanic. I try to employ a lot of the things I learned in Earlybird to my husband, such as preparation, icebergs etc. Nothing helps, it's like he's determined to just be who he is and not make the effort at all. I know he can do it because he used to do it. It's like since he realised what he is, he has free reign to behave how he wants. He doesn't care if he hurts me.

I have never felt so lonely despite being surrounded by a very busy household. I have no emotional reciprocation from my husband. I don't even feel married anymore. I took off my wedding ring 2 weeks ago and he hasn't noticed. I'm depressed, anxious and have no self esteem at all. I'm a shadow of the person I used to be. I am at the stage where I am seriously considering divorce. I'd mention this to him, but it wouldn't make any difference. He wouldn't fight for our marriage. He'd shrug his shoulders and walk away. I love him to pieces and I want him to love me back, like he used to. Where do I go from here?

 

TWB

 

 

 

Parents

  • Could NAS comment on this?

    When I was diagnosed I was told some adults have their diagnosis with-held, depending on whether it is perceived they can handle it. I was told, I understood, because I already had good coping strategies, and was able to respond to the diagnosis by improving those strategies.

    From a helping point of view, I've always understood autism spectrum to be one area we need to handle very carefully - if we suspect someone is on the spectrum but undiagnosed, we cannot just go saying it, we generally cannot say anything.

    However since the Autism Act and the greater publicity you find a lot more people self-diagnosing, often in situations like this where other members of the family identify symptoms.

    What Timewarpbunny is describing is someone having an adverse reaction to self diagnosis. They aren't coping well. Could there be some guidance about this on the NAS website?

Reply

  • Could NAS comment on this?

    When I was diagnosed I was told some adults have their diagnosis with-held, depending on whether it is perceived they can handle it. I was told, I understood, because I already had good coping strategies, and was able to respond to the diagnosis by improving those strategies.

    From a helping point of view, I've always understood autism spectrum to be one area we need to handle very carefully - if we suspect someone is on the spectrum but undiagnosed, we cannot just go saying it, we generally cannot say anything.

    However since the Autism Act and the greater publicity you find a lot more people self-diagnosing, often in situations like this where other members of the family identify symptoms.

    What Timewarpbunny is describing is someone having an adverse reaction to self diagnosis. They aren't coping well. Could there be some guidance about this on the NAS website?

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