12 yrs Old Son with Suspected ASD features

I honestly have come to believe there is something deep in a young man who desires his mother to be a giant. And when he witnesses her as weak, afraid or vulnerable, it is too painful for him to bear. We live in a society that discards the weak the praises strength - even if it's arrogant and sadistic, this is another fracture on the human soul. 

But no mother is truly weak. It takes a strong woman to have a child, to love another - these are not for the faint of heart. You can carry your son's weight. Perhaps there is much yet you have to discover :) Find your hidden strengths and one day your son will look at you with respect and gratitude! Even now, his innate response, untempered by internal structured disciplines are that of a young child. The cruel harsh response is typically an inability to deal with internal conflict which is fundamentally rooted in his love for you.

I understand. The noises aren't as bad when they are expected, sometimes even loud things being expected and not a surprise makes it much better.

Thx v much! Good idea. Also I found that sometime it is better when turn on the TV. The environment should not be too quiet. Better to have some background noise. 

Thx v much for your reply. My husband will come 2 weeks later. His condition would not improve much after he come, but at least there are 2 more hands and I could discuss with a partner. Yes, I think my image to him is weak. So he is rude to me, not my husband.

I don't expect this to be a magic fix, but in the mean time can you get him some noise cancelling headphones or a white noise machine? (If he finds music or white noise better for drowning out the "pop-up" sounds ie traffic, coughing, people shouting in the street, etc.  A cheap white noise machine is to get a cheap solar recharging radio and just set it in between stations.)

I don't mean to pry, but out of curiosity where is his father in all this?

Transitions are hard on anyone. If he has moved to a foreign location, he will feel a sort of crushing isolation. Smells are different. And at adolescence the sense of responsibly a child is moving into can be overwhelming. He will feel the ground has been unearthed beneath him and we all need a source of stability, to feel connected not disconnected and to feel as though we have a bit of agency or control within our surroundings. He may feel none of these right now and this would be normal. 

As a parent, if we became parents at too young of an age, it can be hard to know ourselves and our own strengths / limits so we can be a secure authority for our children. Sometimes society can limit our parenting rights depending on where we're from and this can also be damaging for a child. I grew up in the States which can be very male-dominant and found myself in situations while on summer holidays where I was treated with disregard in front of my son because I was a woman. It made my son furious, but as he was in school in England, where a Queen was a figurehead of authority, I think this influences things greatly. Still, identifying as a male, there are some differences which can matter at a young age. In some cases, we might need community to be part of their role-models such as a Judo or swimming instructor or even a male therapist, someone willing to openly discuss difficult things who is our same gender. 

As a mum, we make so many sacrifices but often, we're not given room for self-care and self-growth. I actually think this was the best thing I did for my son. I found that the more I spent building my self, furthering my education, becoming more reliable, learning principles in the art of being kept me one step ahead of him. Inner strength is often overlooked, but can out-perform the messiest of situations. 

I know this isn't practical advice. I wish I had better advice. We all have to learn to do things regardless of how we feel for our benefit and our future selves. But it's really difficult when there's a great deal of emotional and psychological weight on such a young man. No one jumps off a surgery table and back onto the track field.  Healing is always essential. Then small steps toward becoming the self in the world.