Published on 12, July, 2020
morning everyone.
i have a question for you all.... my 9 yr old was diagnosed with autism in june, hes at the higher functioning end of it. we were told we wouldnt get a diagnosis as he had traits,but not enough ( ed psych said this) anyway he got the diagnosis after being seen by autism assesment team.
i wasnt overly surprised as he has always been a different & difficult child.
ive gone through so many emotions since diagnosis- releif, guilt, sadness etc.
we applied for and got Dla, which is helpfull & family are now telling me to go for carers allowance .
the problem i have is i feel guilty.i feel guilty for accepting money for my child-even the dla money i have guilt over, yes its for him and it is helping- but i feel like im cheating somehow?
i can see why they want me to apply for it, as i deal with him, suffer his anger, physical & verbal abuse & ive suffered with depression a while ago because of him.
maybe i wouldnt have the guilt over it if he was physicaly disabled or seriously ill, he looks like any other little boy his age -till he cant cope then it all goes incredibly wrong!
when hes ok hes a great kid, couldnt be nicer, but other times he can be incredibly nasty and violent.
do / did other parents feel this way too??
thanks Intenseworld,
your words have made me feel better, i guess because its hidden is partly why i feel guilty- like its not a "proper" illness- even though i know it is and the challenges we have & face each day.
one good thing the diagnosis has thrown up is family discussion and talks, and we have identified that my dad & older brother definatly have similar traits to my son- they have both agreed that they are probably on the spectrum too.
it has also helped me to come to terms with how my brother treated me as a child - i bore the brunt of his anger & hatred , so there is obviously a strong genetic link.
thankyou again xx
Don't feel guilty. Autism is an invisible disability and because of this, people with it get virtually no understanding, compassion or adjustments from others. This actually gives someone with the condition an even bigger disadvantage than someone with an obvious disability. It is a disability legally which means someone with the condition has the same rights as someone with a physical disability.
There have been people with prosthetic legs climbing mountains and doing extreme sports, can you honestly say that your son would be able to do those things?
Some people use their DLA to pay for sensory toys, or breakages caused during meltdowns to be replaced or for specialist childcare to give the parents a break. It's intended for improving the person's quality of life and this will always be a challenge compared to "normal" people.
Don't also feel guilty about Carer's Allowance. You have challenges as the parent of a child with special needs, treat yourself to a massage or something to de-stress once in a while. Your life is affected/disadvantated by having a child with special needs, you are able to claim this to account for that.
I do understand the guilt, I felt guilty claiming DLA for my children and myself (we are all on the spectrum) but we have massive impacts on our lives from being autistic and some people cannot go out to work because of having a child with a disability or can only work reduced hours in a low-level job, so look at it as compensation for that too.