8year old son seems to be alone at school

Hi,

so during break times, he runs around the field as “ he’s trying to become faster than Daddy.”
When ask if other kids join in, he said “they don’t want to as they playing football”. He doesn’t want to do football either as he knows he’s not any good. Not sure if someone said that to him or not so for that part, I think it’s ok.

lunchtimes is a bit different he says. He finishes his lunch and says he wants to play but goes indoors to draw by himself and none of his friends want to do that. But that’s it. 

so should I just ask the teachers to watch out for him? I don’t want to be one of those parents who wants to know what their child is up to every 5 mins but I do want him to be ok, especially when I know he wants to play with others.

I don't see why not. Though, it sounds like they are, especially if they allow him what he's interested in and don't force him to try to play along, when it sounds like he's quite self-aware. 

This thread has really made me think!! I used to escape lunch into small spaces or listen to (I'm dating myself) a walkman to attempt to deal with the noise. There seems to be a lot of autistics potentially weighing our options at a much younger age. Being presented with options is then useful. The crowd was overwhelming. I'm still much more at ease in smaller groups.

I used to feel sad about being alone because everyone told me I should be. Then in my mid 20's I heard a more contemplative theologian say "It's better to be alone than to be with someone who made you wish you were". And it made me re-think what I thought I'd been told I wanted. It hadn't been suggested to me that what I was sensing was a real disconnectedness while around others. And when by myself, when I wasn't internally stressed about how to connect or how to relate or how to respond, I felt a great deal of pressure lifted - none of this I could've put into vocabulary at the time.

I think many of us here would rather do something else, something productive and creative. It's suggested the Autistic brain is rewarded differently. While everyone is unique, we don't get the same reward signals from group / tribal-interactions as our NT peers, so it can be incredibly draining on us going along with a group. I had spent a great deal of time learning to be a 'robot' - power down - in the company of others so I wasn't crossing a threshold to unhealthy stress from what felt like literally doing nothing. 

We do need others and a sense of belonging but at what cost. 

Being autistic we feel things more intensely and it can intensify sensing a disconnect. But then we also don't need a wealth of intense connexions, especially if we feel grounded and loved at home. I've also found that people I admire, who might see something in me unique and make a fuss about how interesting and worth-while that thing is, help build confidence in what I might actually enjoy. 

Sometimes we just need a different perspective on a thing to own it. Terrible hangover? Look at you... makings of a good night out, enjoy it while it lasts! No one can come to your birthday? Look at the extra money we'll have! Let's have a weekend stay somewhere there's a spa. I mean, prep for that marathon in the company of others without the stress of navigating selfish players (we see these individuals in the park all the time).  With positive reinforcement, you really can get the best of all possible worlds. 

I think it’s taken me a long time to work these things out too, and I still find it confusing sometimes. I agree that part of the problem is feeling bad about the fact we’re not part of a particular group at school etc, even though really we prefer to be on our own, or with other people that don’t ‘fit in’. It’s a matter of working out what we actually want, rather than feeling bad just because we don’t want what everyone else seems to want. 
At the same time I was often unhappy when I felt excluded socially at school etc, and I know my son often did too. And all the evidence points to the fact that people who have good relationships with others have better mental health. 
I met my husband at college and from that point on he met so many of needs in terms of company and a person to share things with that I didn’t feel I needed many other people in my life except a very small number of friends (who I don’t see in person very often) and family. 
In terms of parenting I think the key thing is to listen to your child and listen to them about how they feel about this, what they want to achieve socially and see what can be done to support them, and to keep reviewing that as they get older. 

I think it’s taken me a long time to work these things out too, and I still find it confusing sometimes. I agree that part of the problem is feeling bad about the fact we’re not part of a particular group at school etc, even though really we prefer to be on our own, or with other people that don’t ‘fit in’. It’s a matter of working out what we actually want, rather than feeling bad just because we don’t want what everyone else seems to want. 
At the same time I was often unhappy when I felt excluded socially at school etc, and I know my son often did too. And all the evidence points to the fact that people who have good relationships with others have better mental health. 
I met my husband at college and from that point on he met so many of needs in terms of company and a person to share things with that I didn’t feel I needed many other people in my life except a very small number of friends (who I don’t see in person very often) and family. 
In terms of parenting I think the key thing is to listen to your child and listen to them about how they feel about this, what they want to achieve socially and see what can be done to support them, and to keep reviewing that as they get older.