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Advice Daughter screaming anger no diagnosis

NAS87002

Hi 

can someone on here give me some advice on who or what my daughter who is 15 should be seeing after been taken off CAMHS register due my daughter not wanting to continue with the appointments for diagnosis as she don’t has made this really tough than already is as she is not accepting that she maybe Autistic on spectrum who can she not know or accept this I really can’t even mention the word anxiety or autism her makes her even more angry how can I help her if she refuses help and I guess is scared to know the truth as I believe she is on the spectrum ticks all box’s even eats certain food now since past year 

tI been told if she not ready for a diagnoses by Chams then we can’t force her , but however I struggling with her still worse then ever and then s at home won’t go out and meet friend anymore complains of Al sorts health problems that is anxiety but I can’t say anything makes her worse so I say nothing keep peace because I can’t take screaming 

here I am still trying to get someone to tell me what who I need 

I have been told by nurse she should see a paediatrician then my doctor don’t  have same views ? And now I going round circles and waiting for early helps weeks still and not urgent enough 

whilst dealing with meltdowns anger screaming not every day depends 

Someone must have answers ? 

i am going back to my doctors next week for the lost count how many times already done this is it really this hard to know who not even doctor knows 
 

  • in reply to Dawn

    Thank you for your reply sorry I forgot to say earlier 

  • in reply to Dawn

    Agree with you why do we seem know answers but battle get them? Will they ever be ready ?
     It’s where I need help most I think well I think whole system mental health needs big over haul it just not working 

  • This is tough.  It's one thing to put a small child through a diagnostic assessment without them realising, but quite another for an older child who does not want to accept the possibility.  

    Someone should be working with her to help her see this could be useful to her and to understand that being autistic doesn't mean you're broken.  

    Got a friend going through similar with a young adult who got an ADHD diagnosis in school but we're convinced they missed him with respect to ASC.  It'll only be when he's ready though that he can ever be assessed.

  • remember to take care of yourself as much as possible...sit down instead of standing, make yourself drinks...every tiny thing you do for yourself may helpyour situation...you are more capable than you think and very tired..been there myself

  • edit:
    (Sorry I no doubt made quite a few typos.)


    As a parent I sympathise, sometimes we just want what is best and our kids cannot be told. But as an autist I have to say: Ultimately you cannot force someone to either comply with seeking a diagnosis nor accept a diagnosis. And most importantly for ethical reasons around consent and respect you really shouldn't. You can only keep the door open that the person in question may change their mind. Remember that we are frequently told there is "something wrong with you"(us) we aren't oblivious, we know when we are alienated and ostracised and can take on a lot of internalised ableism and denial because of that. If you want her to be able to accept the possibility of being autistic you must do everything in your power to remove the stigma of that and everything that comes with it. Because nobody would chose to be the "other" if they had any say in the matter, it's tough being on the utside looking in, my own internalised abelism was why I railed against the diagnosis for over 20 years. And that is waht you need to avoid with your daughter, you need to build up her self esteem into a solid foundation first, it's just unfortunate that this is even more difficult with teens.

    Honestly I'd line up a counselor or therapist but not as someone "to deal with the anxiety/autism" but just as "someone else you can talk to if you want" to take teh pressure off, and I'd make it clear she doesn'thave to talk in the session but she must at least sit in the session (and with any luck she'll open up herself in time) it's also important to set up the therapist so the therapist knows the plan is to expect at least one or two silent or reluctant sessions, but in my experience any therapist worth their salt will get at least something from a patient, even a reluctant one eventually. The issue is your daughter is already feeling prett awfult if her behaviour is categorised by screaming so it will take a while to build trust with menatl health care professionals. Also maybe see if there were any peeple she at least liked better than others and give her teh choice who to deal with under cahms ad request that person if you need to be re-refferrred.

    I will say at this point thought depending on how recently your daughter turned 15 to als have a private therapist on stand by if the wait is too long with CAHMS, I myself was referred to them as a nearly 16 year old back in the 00s and aged out of their "catchment (age)" group long before I even got my forst appointment and that was way back then when it was less chronically underfunded. TBH I have to send my own kid through CAHMS now and I don't consider them worth the time of day, if they do not pick up in the next 6 mnths (crunch time) I myself and going to take my son via another route, possibly private funded.
    Post edit: It's so bitter that this should be a coincidence but Emergent Divergence just published an article about how CAHMS fails autistic kids:
    https://emergentdivergence.com/2023/05/27/why-is-it-so-important-for-camhs-to-support-autistic-children/