Trashing the place

I've parented an ADD girl, and based on my own practical experience and insight It appears that she is challenging you for the dominant role, and you are clearly losing.

In days gone by, you could re-establish who wears the pants by physically chastising your child, but nowadays you need to do it by psychology. 

Fortunately YOU are the adult, which should mean you have more ability to marshal your thoughts and maintain a campaign of discipline, BUT that window is closing fast, so you need to win this quickly.

You need to find your own approach and methods to discipline your child, but first you need to recognise the importance of turning this around, and then DECIDE to WIN. 

Essentially, children want to feel validated and happy (just like you do). I therefore tried to incorporate those techniques into my version of discipline, so that my child did the right thing not out of a fear of punishment, but in order to derive a positive (and usually psychological, it's cheaper and less expensive than buying them stuff, and less exhausting than finding an never ending supply of "treats" to try and bribe them.

However my way is very demanding in terms of mental activity and creativity. I recognise not everyone can get ahead of their child psychologically, but most people should. 

But enough about the child. 

You also need consideration. It's your house. You tidy it, and pay for it, and clean it. Your child is hurting you right where you live. 

I being a selfish and wilful person simply would NOT be able to tolerate it. I'd first draw the line with my child by way of a pleasantly delivered conversation using as much humour as I can and as many child like metaphors as I can cram in to explain to my child that this is OUR house and keeping it clean and tidy is what I like and it HAS to be that way. Use any reasoning you can think of that you know your child will agree with to explain why it has to be so. At this point I'd explain carefully and nicely that I need things to change now, and that from now on we won't be messing up the house any more, BUT if she feels those feelings, then come and see me and we will see what we can do about it. And I'd definitely start teaching her how to clean and look after things. 

I do remember how bloody inconvenient it is to have to take a fifteen minute break from what ever you are doing, switch gears mentally, and give you kid some time right NOW, but it might save you a LOT of remedial work later and housework now.. 

For me training my child became like a sport or game of skill. Every time she turned up combative, "or out of sorts", it was an act of skill to take control psychologically speaking, and either deal with the issue or most often simply divert her thinking onto a different more happy and productive track. 

I can tell you she isn't enjoying the process of trashing your house, any more than you are, so fixing this will be a win-win thing for you. 

And just in case that isn't challenge enough, you also need to be honest with your kids. Never threaten a specific punishment, and then fail to follow though because you thought about it after wards and realised it was your anger talking. On the few occasions  mine pushed me that hard, that punishment was becoming my only option, I'd simply explain the situation, explain that if you keep pushing my buttons like this I will HAVE to do something to you that you won't like. I don't know what it is yet, and I'm too busy to think of something now, but I will and it will be something you don't like. Now do you still want to do that?

Punishment is like power or money, they need to know you can hand it out, but it's diminished if you do actually use it...

I hope this helps you to see parenting more as a game of skill now than a domestic battle ground. 

Take your time and plot ways of diverting your child from her bad moods now whilst you still can.

Treat it as a GAME if you can get into that mindset, it makes it more enjoyable for everyone involved, than letting it become domestic warfare.

I've parented an ADD girl, and based on my own practical experience and insight It appears that she is challenging you for the dominant role, and you are clearly losing.

In days gone by, you could re-establish who wears the pants by physically chastising your child, but nowadays you need to do it by psychology. 

Fortunately YOU are the adult, which should mean you have more ability to marshal your thoughts and maintain a campaign of discipline, BUT that window is closing fast, so you need to win this quickly.

You need to find your own approach and methods to discipline your child, but first you need to recognise the importance of turning this around, and then DECIDE to WIN. 

Essentially, children want to feel validated and happy (just like you do). I therefore tried to incorporate those techniques into my version of discipline, so that my child did the right thing not out of a fear of punishment, but in order to derive a positive (and usually psychological, it's cheaper and less expensive than buying them stuff, and less exhausting than finding an never ending supply of "treats" to try and bribe them.

However my way is very demanding in terms of mental activity and creativity. I recognise not everyone can get ahead of their child psychologically, but most people should. 

But enough about the child. 

You also need consideration. It's your house. You tidy it, and pay for it, and clean it. Your child is hurting you right where you live. 

I being a selfish and wilful person simply would NOT be able to tolerate it. I'd first draw the line with my child by way of a pleasantly delivered conversation using as much humour as I can and as many child like metaphors as I can cram in to explain to my child that this is OUR house and keeping it clean and tidy is what I like and it HAS to be that way. Use any reasoning you can think of that you know your child will agree with to explain why it has to be so. At this point I'd explain carefully and nicely that I need things to change now, and that from now on we won't be messing up the house any more, BUT if she feels those feelings, then come and see me and we will see what we can do about it. And I'd definitely start teaching her how to clean and look after things. 

I do remember how bloody inconvenient it is to have to take a fifteen minute break from what ever you are doing, switch gears mentally, and give you kid some time right NOW, but it might save you a LOT of remedial work later and housework now.. 

For me training my child became like a sport or game of skill. Every time she turned up combative, "or out of sorts", it was an act of skill to take control psychologically speaking, and either deal with the issue or most often simply divert her thinking onto a different more happy and productive track. 

I can tell you she isn't enjoying the process of trashing your house, any more than you are, so fixing this will be a win-win thing for you. 

And just in case that isn't challenge enough, you also need to be honest with your kids. Never threaten a specific punishment, and then fail to follow though because you thought about it after wards and realised it was your anger talking. On the few occasions  mine pushed me that hard, that punishment was becoming my only option, I'd simply explain the situation, explain that if you keep pushing my buttons like this I will HAVE to do something to you that you won't like. I don't know what it is yet, and I'm too busy to think of something now, but I will and it will be something you don't like. Now do you still want to do that?

Punishment is like power or money, they need to know you can hand it out, but it's diminished if you do actually use it...

I hope this helps you to see parenting more as a game of skill now than a domestic battle ground. 

Take your time and plot ways of diverting your child from her bad moods now whilst you still can.

Treat it as a GAME if you can get into that mindset, it makes it more enjoyable for everyone involved, than letting it become domestic warfare.