Poor self image

Gonna break this into chunks to make it easier to read what I'm referring to specifically.

Merida said:

She's a teenager and really concerned about how she looks.

Sounds about typical unfortunately. I think more girls and young women need to be surrounded by lots of different representation of body types because the glossy mags and social media filters all justtake a very narrow view of beauty and crank it up to 11 and make young women feel like they are unvalued when they fall short of these unrealistic standards.
She needs to especially be exposed to rolemodels who don't conform to those standards and put other aspects of their life first, and be able to see that women can be valued for their minds and deeds rather than their looks.

Merida said:

She won't leave the house because she doesn't want to be seen. She won't talk to a counsellor and tells me that I am her counsellor. I have bought lots of self help books and suggested websites but she says that those make her cringe. 

It sounds like she has been bullied for how she looks because that is quite a strong traumatic response.
Unfortunately she only thinks things are cringe because she's a teenager ("cringe" is a concept that doesn't exist beyond as a means to shame anything that is perceived as "not normal") it's peer pressure to believe in cringe, cringe doesn't really exist, and she is going to have to have that explained to her and told the facts because if your options are assisted (doesn't matter if it's a therapist or a book written by a therapist) self help or no help, and she is chosing not to accept the help then there is no magic want you mum can wave to make her feel better. Explain you know it sucks and you'll always listen to here but your empathy can only go so far before she has to come out the other side and start making steps to mentally fight back herself because if she never fights back then she will never get out of that pit.

Gonna break this into chunks to make it easier to read what I'm referring to specifically.

Merida said:

She's a teenager and really concerned about how she looks.

Sounds about typical unfortunately. I think more girls and young women need to be surrounded by lots of different representation of body types because the glossy mags and social media filters all justtake a very narrow view of beauty and crank it up to 11 and make young women feel like they are unvalued when they fall short of these unrealistic standards.
She needs to especially be exposed to rolemodels who don't conform to those standards and put other aspects of their life first, and be able to see that women can be valued for their minds and deeds rather than their looks.

Merida said:

She won't leave the house because she doesn't want to be seen. She won't talk to a counsellor and tells me that I am her counsellor. I have bought lots of self help books and suggested websites but she says that those make her cringe. 

It sounds like she has been bullied for how she looks because that is quite a strong traumatic response.
Unfortunately she only thinks things are cringe because she's a teenager ("cringe" is a concept that doesn't exist beyond as a means to shame anything that is perceived as "not normal") it's peer pressure to believe in cringe, cringe doesn't really exist, and she is going to have to have that explained to her and told the facts because if your options are assisted (doesn't matter if it's a therapist or a book written by a therapist) self help or no help, and she is chosing not to accept the help then there is no magic want you mum can wave to make her feel better. Explain you know it sucks and you'll always listen to here but your empathy can only go so far before she has to come out the other side and start making steps to mentally fight back herself because if she never fights back then she will never get out of that pit.

Thanks for this. She's never admitted to bullying, but it does seem likely. Throughout her childhood  we've always read  about positive female role models,  'Good Night stories for rebel girls,' 'Women in science' etc to promote that women's actions  and behaviours are more important than what they look like. I agree that she'll have to take some action herself too.