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Is this autistic meltdown or am I just unstable

Lau

I’m going to walk through a my day 

1. Woke up, my youngest child went to school no issues. My eldest stays home.

2. I couldn’t face today because of the weather. I feel lots of pressure to have “positive productive days” when it’s sunny. I closed my curtains then I can’t see the sky and I made hot tea. 

3. I fell back asleep for 2 hours and woke at 11am feeling really guilty that I wasted my morning by sleeping. 

4. I pulled myself together Got showered,dressed and went to get some food shopping which I really struggle with. The meals I had planned in my notes for the next two days I couldn’t get. The lady said the deliveries were delayed. I felt really annoyed that I had drove a bit further than usual to buy these specific items of food but I managed. I went else where and got some things. 

5. My eldest went to cinema with his carer. I made dinner for myself and my other son. I didn’t enjoy this as it wasn’t what I had planned. Then we Went for a long walk with our dog had great fun in the local school playground they have lots of climbing frames my son loves. 

6. My eldest son came back from his support with his carer. I started the bed time routine for my youngest. Which was interrupted by son’s father. He came to the house and my youngest was so excited I let him in and they played nicely but it got more loud and rowdy, they were screaming and crashing of cars. Then they are wrestling and my sons screaming. The dogs barking. I keep reminding everyone to calm down as it’s late. The noise is getting to much for me. 

7. My sons dad is in his work clothes which I hate as they are dusty and messy it makes me feel dirty being around him. I start to feel my eyes itching and I say it’s the dust from your clothes are making feel dirty he says it’s all in your head just calm down. I washed my hands and face but it continues bother me as I can feel the dust on all of my skin. 

8. He rips open a multi pack of Coke Zero and the cans roll out of the fridge onto the floor. The box has perforated edges which means he doesn’t have to rip open the full box. Now the box is ruined.

9. I burst out crying and he says oh here we go. You really need to chill out. I said to him I’ve said to you multiple times can you be quiet, I don’t want the kids screaming and running around. Your making me feel itchy with your work clothes and can you stop minimising my emotions, stop saying me feeling overwhelmed is me “freaking out”

10. I completely break down at this point. He says okay im sorry I will go but You really need to put big girl pants on and stop this, this is what a family is. I say no it’s not, when your in the house it’s madness.

Sometimes I think maybe I am unstable and I’m not autistic. Maybe I am just mad for not being able to manage: 

Parents

  • I think your ex is behaving inconsiderately, and I would think that whether you are ND or NT.

    Where your children are concerned I think you should set some ground rules.

    He should not visit later than say 2 hours before the children's bedtime and he should leave 30 minutes before their bedtime (you need to thrash out the details with him). Explain the consequences of his actions: the children are too excited to settle, they are late getting to bed and to sleep, they are then tired and irritable in the morning and being tired school will be harder for them. Having this strict routine is for their benefit as well as yours. If he cannot fit to the schedule he doesn't come round. (Fridays and Saturdays can be more flexible)

    He must not come round in his work clothes, no ifs or buts. If he hasn't changed he doesn't come round. It is your house and you have a right to set the rules.

    I also think he should ask you before taking any food or drink. It sounds like he is behaving as if you were still living together. Also he should never stay overnight. Having him stay over sometimes will be confusing to the children.

    If I was you, I would write your rules out as a type of "contract" that you both sign. You may like to consider exceptions to your rules: say ill-health or holidays. Then you can say to him "This is what we agreed" and having it written down will assist you to be strong. If you feel it is appropriate you can explain what you have agreed to the children.

    You will notice I haven't once mentioned your autistic related issues as I think they are irrelevant - it is all down to his behaviour. It is when he abuses the situation you go into overwhelm. If he behaved with more consideration you wouldn't go into overwhelm and also be left with picking up the pieces.

    Hopefully by highlighting how detrimental it is to the children, he will agree to modify his behaviour.

  • in reply to Ice Swimmer

    I have been trying to get him to keep to agreements. 

    He has a dominant personality it’s overbearing at times and I used to always give in. 

    I think he would say no to me if I ask him to sign a contract.  

    There has been one instance this week when he has called me nuts for enforcing the rules. I need to keep reminding him that he shouldn’t use language like that to me as it’s hurtful and disrespectful.

    I choose not to speak with him for a few days and he did say it wasn’t a good choice of words when I spoke with him again but I am not going to keep reminding him. He’s an adult and shouldnt need to be reminded. 

    Thank you for your reply and support. 

Reply
  • in reply to Ice Swimmer

    I have been trying to get him to keep to agreements. 

    He has a dominant personality it’s overbearing at times and I used to always give in. 

    I think he would say no to me if I ask him to sign a contract.  

    There has been one instance this week when he has called me nuts for enforcing the rules. I need to keep reminding him that he shouldn’t use language like that to me as it’s hurtful and disrespectful.

    I choose not to speak with him for a few days and he did say it wasn’t a good choice of words when I spoke with him again but I am not going to keep reminding him. He’s an adult and shouldnt need to be reminded. 

    Thank you for your reply and support. 

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