I’m going to walk through a my day
1. Woke up, my youngest child went to school no issues. My eldest stays home.
2. I couldn’t face today because of the weather. I feel lots of pressure to have “positive productive days” when it’s sunny. I closed my curtains then I can’t see the sky and I made hot tea.
3. I fell back asleep for 2 hours and woke at 11am feeling really guilty that I wasted my morning by sleeping.
4. I pulled myself together Got showered,dressed and went to get some food shopping which I really struggle with. The meals I had planned in my notes for the next two days I couldn’t get. The lady said the deliveries were delayed. I felt really annoyed that I had drove a bit further than usual to buy these specific items of food but I managed. I went else where and got some things.
5. My eldest went to cinema with his carer. I made dinner for myself and my other son. I didn’t enjoy this as it wasn’t what I had planned. Then we Went for a long walk with our dog had great fun in the local school playground they have lots of climbing frames my son loves.
6. My eldest son came back from his support with his carer. I started the bed time routine for my youngest. Which was interrupted by son’s father. He came to the house and my youngest was so excited I let him in and they played nicely but it got more loud and rowdy, they were screaming and crashing of cars. Then they are wrestling and my sons screaming. The dogs barking. I keep reminding everyone to calm down as it’s late. The noise is getting to much for me.
7. My sons dad is in his work clothes which I hate as they are dusty and messy it makes me feel dirty being around him. I start to feel my eyes itching and I say it’s the dust from your clothes are making feel dirty he says it’s all in your head just calm down. I washed my hands and face but it continues bother me as I can feel the dust on all of my skin.
8. He rips open a multi pack of Coke Zero and the cans roll out of the fridge onto the floor. The box has perforated edges which means he doesn’t have to rip open the full box. Now the box is ruined.
9. I burst out crying and he says oh here we go. You really need to chill out. I said to him I’ve said to you multiple times can you be quiet, I don’t want the kids screaming and running around. Your making me feel itchy with your work clothes and can you stop minimising my emotions, stop saying me feeling overwhelmed is me “freaking out”
10. I completely break down at this point. He says okay im sorry I will go but You really need to put big girl pants on and stop this, this is what a family is. I say no it’s not, when your in the house it’s madness.
Sometimes I think maybe I am unstable and I’m not autistic. Maybe I am just mad for not being able to manage:
