Published on 12, July, 2020
My daughter is a twin (she has autism and her sister doesn’t) she started senior school in September. The first few months she went okay but then she started suffering with very bad suicidal thoughts and was constantly battling with feeling ‘abnormal’
She has missed a lot of time at school but will not communicate, ask questions, be in a group etc so now we have tried her going 9-12 in the well-being department. Where she will not speak or ask for anything they just leave her in a room as obviously there is no one to sit 1-1 with her. we are currently in the process of hopefully getting an EHCP but in the meantime it’s as and when I can get her in as she just refuses and shuts down, won’t get dressed, won’t even get out of bed some days and will just have a serious meltdown if I try and force it which can lead to her becoming very aggressive.
Her twin sister who is obviously in the same school has developed a hate for me because she sees it as I am letting her sister not go to school but making her go which is causing so much upset every morning. It’s just an awful situation at the moment. Any advice on how to deal with the school situation? Any suggestions on how to deal with it etc really would be much appreciated. I don’t know who to turn to because no one seems to understand just how hard it is :(
I don’t have any useful suggestions but I’m posting to say I’m in a similar position to you in some ways and am sending you support.
My daughter has also been suicidal this year (year 7) due to problems at school. She doesn’t have a twin but does have a sister in the year above who is furious with me for allowing my year 7 autistic daughter to attend school part time.
Everything I do for one daughter seems to upset the other.
It is unbelievably hard - I believe and understand you - and I think there are plenty of others out there struggling too. I don’t think there are any easy answers. One on one time with either child helps, if you can manage it.
I have been taking a PDA approach at home to minimise pressure (See Eliza Fricker’s blogs and books including ‘can’t not won’t’). And I’ve given up limiting screen time until bedtime as it seems to help. I’m trying to let go of all of society’s rules about parenting…
A very massive good luck and hang in there. There are so many amazing autistic adults out there who have been through awful times. I think of them when my daughter is at her most distressed. It will get better.