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School refusal - when is enough enough??

NAS82507

My 8 year old daughter who is autistic has been really struggling to go to school this academic year, so since September.

For nearly two years (since schools went back post-pandemic) there’s been a gradual increase in her anxiety about going to school, starting with constantly feeling sick and culminating in two terms of panic attacks and refusal to go to school. 

We have been trying to make sure she goes in so the refusal doesn’t escalate (which has been against my gut feeling) but at the end of last term she reached total burnout and just couldn’t go in. Or when she did she was in such a state I had to go and get her. 

The school are very well-meaning but when do you just say enough is enough? The poor thing is getting totally traumatised, I can’t even say the word ‘school’ without her getting really distressed. 

Maybe in writing this I’ve convinced myself that sitting out next term would be a good idea but it seems like such a drastic move. 

I’d love to hear any advice from anyone who has been through similar, both autistic and carers. Thank you

Parents

  • Luckily, my daughters school managed to help, as to start with I just had the attendance officer moaning at me. After speaking to the SEND lady, we were able to come up with a profile for my daughter, stating what she can and can’t do. Of course still going in wasn’t ideal, as she had a lot of things she didn’t tolerate,  but she was able to get a timeout card, so she could leave a lesson any time she pleased. She was able to work alone, and not be forced into group work. She was able to stay in at lunch and break in a quiet classroom, she wore ear defenders until people made fun of her, she didn’t get penalised for not attending, she was able to stay late and do her homework (couldn’t concentrate at home), she was allowed to wear trainers (sensory issue with school shoes) and a few other things. It really did make a difference though.

    Your daughter hasn’t hit high school yet where the changes and nose and stimulation is 100 times worse. Some mainstream schools are very good, others not so start your research now. Children struggle to attend ‘special’ school too, which many parents don’t think about.

    The key is to find out exactly what she finds most difficult, and what would make her day go smoother. The complete ability to wind down or stim when she gets home is equally as important. She might not know what self stimulation works for her (if any), so you’ll need to work with her to identify her needs,

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  • Luckily, my daughters school managed to help, as to start with I just had the attendance officer moaning at me. After speaking to the SEND lady, we were able to come up with a profile for my daughter, stating what she can and can’t do. Of course still going in wasn’t ideal, as she had a lot of things she didn’t tolerate,  but she was able to get a timeout card, so she could leave a lesson any time she pleased. She was able to work alone, and not be forced into group work. She was able to stay in at lunch and break in a quiet classroom, she wore ear defenders until people made fun of her, she didn’t get penalised for not attending, she was able to stay late and do her homework (couldn’t concentrate at home), she was allowed to wear trainers (sensory issue with school shoes) and a few other things. It really did make a difference though.

    Your daughter hasn’t hit high school yet where the changes and nose and stimulation is 100 times worse. Some mainstream schools are very good, others not so start your research now. Children struggle to attend ‘special’ school too, which many parents don’t think about.

    The key is to find out exactly what she finds most difficult, and what would make her day go smoother. The complete ability to wind down or stim when she gets home is equally as important. She might not know what self stimulation works for her (if any), so you’ll need to work with her to identify her needs,

Children
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