• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 2090 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Mortified

L56

Hi

My 6 year old son is currently on the waiting list for a full assessment for aspergers/sensory issues.

Jack was refferred by our GP who we went to visit re: asthma, but jack ended up having a MD whilst we were there, we ended up talking about jacks behaviours the fact they were getting worse and he passed us onto the paed who reffered us to camhs.

The school have never shared our concerns they report that Jack "just gets on with it". The reason i'm so upset today is because he's NOT ok!! Thankfully or (maybe not) Jack has appeared fairly settled at school. He absolutly thrives on routine/structure and loves learning and so i feel that school is a comfort to him with it's predictability, he needs to be told what to do at every moment.  He has never had a MD whilst at school (he saves them until he gets home), but he is starting to come home and say things which tell me he struggles with sensory overload/maintaining friendships in particular. We can tell by his facial expression and body language when he's starting to become anxious, he rocks and his picks and chews his fingers. Ths school says this isn't happening but i've suspected for a long time that he is doing this and the school aren't acting on it or noticing it because he's not disruptive and carries on "getting on with it". 

A parent helper approached me at school a few days back and confided in me that on many occasions, and during a school trip she had watched Jack getting very anxious. She said that it was so distressing to watch and the teachers weren't helping him that she ended up reassuring him. It confirmed my suspicions all along really. I had a think about how to approach it with the teacher, i didn't want to go in accussing her of being crap and getting her back up. I decided that i would make some social stories about asking for help. I've made jack a red card which he could show us at home and the teacher at school when he feels upset. He often can't identify why he's feeling a certain way or what the emotion is so i'm going to start working with him on that. I spoke to the teacher who again reiterated that he he's fine and that she didn't notice anything on the trip, but she agreed to start trying that once we'd practiced it at home. Great, but i wish she'd stop pointing out to me that it's funny hows he's fine at school and not at home.

Then the cherry on the cake. This morning Jack was very irritable, when i tried to pry out of him what was bothering him he started getting upset because he thought it was the weekend. He then starting tantruming because he decided he wanted some more toast and ran out of time to play with his lego (his love, obbession and calming activity). We got down to the MD phase, he cried and screamed all the way to school, he started kicking me and refused to get out the car. I managed to calm him a little enough to take him to the class door, but we were both visiably shaken and upset. I wanted the teacher to see for herself that he was stressed, i wanted her to reassure jack and talk to him for a second so that i felt he was calm and happy. Instead he was hussled through the door without a word of reassurance and i got "funny he's fine when he's at school isn't it". I think i must have cried all the way home and now i feel bloody awful!! He didn't look fine, he looked upset and tense and so unhappy, but i know he'll get on with it still feeling like that at least for a little while. I hate it that he isn't being shown the kindness and reassurance he needs at times. And i hate it that i feel like they think it's my parenting or home environment.

Please say other people have gone through this type of thing too????

Parents

  • Thank you both for your helpful and reassuring comments. I know that the more I talk to people it seems that it's not uncommon, but it is very annoying. I guess part of me worries because not only is Jack having to suffer in silence when he struggles, but that the schools opinion will veto a diagnosis. The psychologist said that during his assessment, it will be likely that the teacher will be sent a checklist to fill in rather then Jack having an observation within the school setting. 

    IW, thank you again. I have printed out the article and during the next parents evening coming up shortly I have decided to show it to her. I think I have nothing to loose and you are right I need to gight now for the needs of my little boy.

    LM I agree with what you are telling me. My older son has dyslexia and i felt there were many times when they put their league tables and performance before the needs of him and others who needed extra support. I have quite a few teachers on my family and friends circle and they have all told me that training on autism or any special need is very limited and a module covered in one day. In fact many of them just spent 2 days in s special school and that was the whole unti done !!!! They said that if they had a child in their class with a particular need then they would be given a basic tick sheet of symtoms. Of course i'm not saying this is the case across the board, i'm sure there are some excellent teachers out there who make the effort to learn everything they can to help, or who do have the experience to. But unfortunatly I haven't met any of those teachers yet.

    And I agree, we can usually see a build up with Jack before he totally blows. It starts with irritability and then can builds until he hits the meltdown. We are just learning how to recognise where his moods at and what we can to do help calm him down or divert before he reaches the meltdown.

    Thanks again xx

Reply

  • Thank you both for your helpful and reassuring comments. I know that the more I talk to people it seems that it's not uncommon, but it is very annoying. I guess part of me worries because not only is Jack having to suffer in silence when he struggles, but that the schools opinion will veto a diagnosis. The psychologist said that during his assessment, it will be likely that the teacher will be sent a checklist to fill in rather then Jack having an observation within the school setting. 

    IW, thank you again. I have printed out the article and during the next parents evening coming up shortly I have decided to show it to her. I think I have nothing to loose and you are right I need to gight now for the needs of my little boy.

    LM I agree with what you are telling me. My older son has dyslexia and i felt there were many times when they put their league tables and performance before the needs of him and others who needed extra support. I have quite a few teachers on my family and friends circle and they have all told me that training on autism or any special need is very limited and a module covered in one day. In fact many of them just spent 2 days in s special school and that was the whole unti done !!!! They said that if they had a child in their class with a particular need then they would be given a basic tick sheet of symtoms. Of course i'm not saying this is the case across the board, i'm sure there are some excellent teachers out there who make the effort to learn everything they can to help, or who do have the experience to. But unfortunatly I haven't met any of those teachers yet.

    And I agree, we can usually see a build up with Jack before he totally blows. It starts with irritability and then can builds until he hits the meltdown. We are just learning how to recognise where his moods at and what we can to do help calm him down or divert before he reaches the meltdown.

    Thanks again xx

Children
No Data