• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 2090 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Mortified

L56

Hi

My 6 year old son is currently on the waiting list for a full assessment for aspergers/sensory issues.

Jack was refferred by our GP who we went to visit re: asthma, but jack ended up having a MD whilst we were there, we ended up talking about jacks behaviours the fact they were getting worse and he passed us onto the paed who reffered us to camhs.

The school have never shared our concerns they report that Jack "just gets on with it". The reason i'm so upset today is because he's NOT ok!! Thankfully or (maybe not) Jack has appeared fairly settled at school. He absolutly thrives on routine/structure and loves learning and so i feel that school is a comfort to him with it's predictability, he needs to be told what to do at every moment.  He has never had a MD whilst at school (he saves them until he gets home), but he is starting to come home and say things which tell me he struggles with sensory overload/maintaining friendships in particular. We can tell by his facial expression and body language when he's starting to become anxious, he rocks and his picks and chews his fingers. Ths school says this isn't happening but i've suspected for a long time that he is doing this and the school aren't acting on it or noticing it because he's not disruptive and carries on "getting on with it". 

A parent helper approached me at school a few days back and confided in me that on many occasions, and during a school trip she had watched Jack getting very anxious. She said that it was so distressing to watch and the teachers weren't helping him that she ended up reassuring him. It confirmed my suspicions all along really. I had a think about how to approach it with the teacher, i didn't want to go in accussing her of being crap and getting her back up. I decided that i would make some social stories about asking for help. I've made jack a red card which he could show us at home and the teacher at school when he feels upset. He often can't identify why he's feeling a certain way or what the emotion is so i'm going to start working with him on that. I spoke to the teacher who again reiterated that he he's fine and that she didn't notice anything on the trip, but she agreed to start trying that once we'd practiced it at home. Great, but i wish she'd stop pointing out to me that it's funny hows he's fine at school and not at home.

Then the cherry on the cake. This morning Jack was very irritable, when i tried to pry out of him what was bothering him he started getting upset because he thought it was the weekend. He then starting tantruming because he decided he wanted some more toast and ran out of time to play with his lego (his love, obbession and calming activity). We got down to the MD phase, he cried and screamed all the way to school, he started kicking me and refused to get out the car. I managed to calm him a little enough to take him to the class door, but we were both visiably shaken and upset. I wanted the teacher to see for herself that he was stressed, i wanted her to reassure jack and talk to him for a second so that i felt he was calm and happy. Instead he was hussled through the door without a word of reassurance and i got "funny he's fine when he's at school isn't it". I think i must have cried all the way home and now i feel bloody awful!! He didn't look fine, he looked upset and tense and so unhappy, but i know he'll get on with it still feeling like that at least for a little while. I hate it that he isn't being shown the kindness and reassurance he needs at times. And i hate it that i feel like they think it's my parenting or home environment.

Please say other people have gone through this type of thing too????

Parents

  • You may find because of peer pressure he has to bottle it in at school, so you may get the meltdowns at home. There seems to be a lot of reporting of that happening.

    In teenage years however the pressure to conform and being singled out as different, is likely to make school much harder to hide it in.

    As IntenseWorld points out the teacher's indifference to your concerns is depressing, but I think you are up against a certain amount of protectionism - the teacher or the school not wanting to be seen to underperform. You are being "locked out" in case you rock the boat.

    However its not clear what training on this teachers get. A teaching qualification will cover special needs but the pitch may be quite superficial. I've looked through the teacher-training sections of university and college libraries at the representation of books on autism and its often dated, and limited to manifestations of marked autism in special centres. I don't think there's much training given on abler kids, or for that much literature on abler autism needs.

    Also a teacher addressing a collective group may not see how an individual is coping. And your child is pressured by their peers to fit in with the teacher/class relationship. If this wasn't the case - if your child wasn't able to go along with the peer group - as often happens - then you'd be hearing all about it. It sounds like your child is able to fit in reasonably well at the moment.

    I've a theory about meltdowns (that is I've not got a case file to back it up - just me), that its a "last straw" response, rather than the trigger having an obvious cause. So it is possible for your child to hold it in at school, and then explode at home.

Reply

  • You may find because of peer pressure he has to bottle it in at school, so you may get the meltdowns at home. There seems to be a lot of reporting of that happening.

    In teenage years however the pressure to conform and being singled out as different, is likely to make school much harder to hide it in.

    As IntenseWorld points out the teacher's indifference to your concerns is depressing, but I think you are up against a certain amount of protectionism - the teacher or the school not wanting to be seen to underperform. You are being "locked out" in case you rock the boat.

    However its not clear what training on this teachers get. A teaching qualification will cover special needs but the pitch may be quite superficial. I've looked through the teacher-training sections of university and college libraries at the representation of books on autism and its often dated, and limited to manifestations of marked autism in special centres. I don't think there's much training given on abler kids, or for that much literature on abler autism needs.

    Also a teacher addressing a collective group may not see how an individual is coping. And your child is pressured by their peers to fit in with the teacher/class relationship. If this wasn't the case - if your child wasn't able to go along with the peer group - as often happens - then you'd be hearing all about it. It sounds like your child is able to fit in reasonably well at the moment.

    I've a theory about meltdowns (that is I've not got a case file to back it up - just me), that its a "last straw" response, rather than the trigger having an obvious cause. So it is possible for your child to hold it in at school, and then explode at home.

Children
No Data