Cleaning bedroom

So perhaps the issue is working out more what underlying elements are too stressful for her. 

The neurotypical word "big emotions" is how autistics are often described. But the reality is, we are intensely impacted. This is great to sharpen ones senses, but not for others when experiencing the impact of feelings / emotional sensations. 

There is a wee laugh in the autistic community occasionally at the 'sense of accomplishment' someone non-autistic might feel from making their bed every morning. When it's an autistic, it's 99% never a sense of accomplishment felt but rather a matter of conscious aesthetic as aesthetics are tied to ethics. The motive is different and the reward is different. Perhaps you can help her find her own aesthetic and this may help.

She's 12, so still very young, but it might be good (regarding her personal environment at home) to afford her more agency to 'experiment' in order to work out where her limits are and the underlying principles of those. This could be useful for you both. But I would suggest if this sounds reasonable, arrange a date like you would a client, have tea and cake and schedule this "appointment" with her to have her input on setting a new schedule. Just use this time to discuss openly ideas and thoughts and make another appointment to create a new schedule. These pre-warned and pre-scheduled meetings will actually be really helpful for her as she's getting older. Learning to respect another's time and value their input is something we hopefully learn from our parents. If not, it might be something we learn after being fired a few times, but better to learn from mum and dad!

Just an additional thought. 

She won't be able to regulate her emotions as they are all consuming. She will instead need to learn conscious principles and a practice of ethics to be successful, which takes some time. Allow her to master one thing at a time (for any length of time). The best practice when being overwhelmed can be navigating an exit strategy, a place to expel the impact and emotion in safety, and learned principles to create boundaries so that we are less impacted externally. The only thing which can make everything worse is if we feel unsafe, judged or trapped. Becoming responsible for ones environment and having the tools and resources to do so, is the best of all possible situations. 

You can be supportive by just helping her replenish/stay nourished after a meltdown, asking how can I help and being available for wisdom! I always think health and safety should stay priority. Changing my sheets might take me the whole day as transition will never happen for us immediately unless preconceived and envisioned. 

Thank you some very good points which I will look into more ….. I have printed off / made her to do lists / check lists she hates them said she’s not stupid and knows that she needs to make her bed r example but what’s the point as it just gets wrecked again. Some of her things sit perfectly 100% of the time. She loves Cactus and they sit pride of place in bedroom they get watered when they should etc…… but something like making the bed or lines on the carpet caused from a hoover will cause a meltdown ! I dunno I  feel shattered most of the time trying to work out gauge what form we are in 

Thank you …… I eventually got her into bed last night and settled ….. the minute she opened her eyes this morning she said why is my room still the same put it back the way it was ! It dosent feel like my room any more with tears a few outbursts etc I feel shattered all the time . Just want what’s best for her 

It could be good to think about matters of consequence: be concerned about bacteria, mould and dirt and give a wide berth for a lack of tidiness. 

Working with and around Autistic potential and limits is the most important element. Our potential involves seeing nuance of difference, understanding seemingly invisible systems, caring about fundamental elements and these are desired in future careers. Sometimes a microscope can help or a fun little science book on how microorganisms can grow and spread. So baking soda and hoovering once a week, changing bedsheets and then a monthly detail. Peak her interest about minding the deeper complexities and never mind things being all over the place in her own room so long as it is not adding to her stress.

As my son grew up, he started recognising that he rather appreciated how neat and clean I kept everything else and started designing his space with a bit more mindful precision. I personally don't care for things on walls other than mirrors, pans or an instrument and I don't like having more than one of any thing (if I can help it) as clutter makes life personally difficult to navigate. I don't like losing things as it's a type of interruption to a flow and ever so slightly maddening.

With kids, focusing on the important things can help them prioritise in life. 

You may need to ask yourself if this a battle worth fighting? If you have a clear logical reason then you may want to consider telling your daughter bluntly and without ambiguity. If not, then you may just need to back off and let her sort it herself. I  know this may be difficult but she may just see this as her space which you are intruding in. My advice to any parent of an Autistic child is to choose your battles and try not to confront. Ibeven mage to take my own advice.....sometimes.