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Any advice. Really struggling

NAS86086

Hello I'm new here. 

My daughter(age 5) is recently diagnosed. 

I really struggle with communication with her. 

She has angry outbursts and alot of the time I have no clue what's started it. 

She never wants to talk and work through things I give her time to calm down or till she feels ready but she just blows up in my face time and time again. 

She throws things at me, hits, spits and says really spiteful things 

My patience is wearing thin and I feel defeated and useless.

We read the colour monster book time and time again which does help with what emotion she's feeling but it never goes further than that in conversation 

I always always always tell her she can talk to me about anything, anywhere, anytime.

I just feel like a terrible mum. 

Maybe what I'm doing is making it worse Pensive I would just really like some advice.

Tia x

Parents

  • Tia

    Your daughter seems to be showing signs of overload. Non Autistic poeple often deal with issues by talking them through. Autistic poeple have a need to think things through and anything coming in from the outside feels like an invasion, even if it is someone who is trying to help by talking. I know because this is hiw I feel. It has not stopped me from trying to talk to my autistic daughter when she is processing. As parents we have been brought up to believe our children should do as we say and that they should respect us. However  being Autistic means not understanding hierarchy so the concept of respect for parents means nothing to us. This makes parenting an Autistic child very challenging. My wife does it better than I do. She knows when to back off and let our daughter process. She will also divert attention rather than confronting head on; this will never work. You are not a bad Mum. A bad mum would not care. You do need to get some help from other parents who have learnt the hard way. Please come to the Pinpoint parent to parent zoom chat if you can. It is called the Tii Hub at www.pinpoint-cambs.org.uk/.../ don't worry if you are not in Cambridgeshire. I can vouch for it being a safe place. 

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  • Tia

    Your daughter seems to be showing signs of overload. Non Autistic poeple often deal with issues by talking them through. Autistic poeple have a need to think things through and anything coming in from the outside feels like an invasion, even if it is someone who is trying to help by talking. I know because this is hiw I feel. It has not stopped me from trying to talk to my autistic daughter when she is processing. As parents we have been brought up to believe our children should do as we say and that they should respect us. However  being Autistic means not understanding hierarchy so the concept of respect for parents means nothing to us. This makes parenting an Autistic child very challenging. My wife does it better than I do. She knows when to back off and let our daughter process. She will also divert attention rather than confronting head on; this will never work. You are not a bad Mum. A bad mum would not care. You do need to get some help from other parents who have learnt the hard way. Please come to the Pinpoint parent to parent zoom chat if you can. It is called the Tii Hub at www.pinpoint-cambs.org.uk/.../ don't worry if you are not in Cambridgeshire. I can vouch for it being a safe place. 

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