Any advice. Really struggling

When I was young I broke down in to tears all the time. I cannot express the overwhelming frustration I had being capable of sense-perceiving something yet not being able to access the vocabulary to explain what I could perceive and understand. I would watch adults communicate and exchange socially and sense subtle cruelties and inconsistencies but wouldn't be able to tell you what was happening until I was in my 30s, had a better understanding of the science of philosophy, sociology and psychology. I was 3 or 4. At this age I could sense and "see" systems of physics of but not express what I was comprehending. Autistics are said to be more connected to eternal time rather than linear. And this is what I was sensing: past/present/future all at once. At this age, I would misunderstand things for lack of education. I remember being three and trying to wash the blue off my hands and being in tears over it. I hadn't yet learned about veins, so I was trying to scrub my translucent pinkish skin of its veins! 

I learned to read early and had 2 imaginary friends who I would sing songs to. Music was a comfort - I work in sound now. 

Throughout my life what I desperately needed was access to science, maths, philosophy, psychoanalysis and so on. The more I understood the calmer I became. The more I could expand my vocabulary the better I could articulate these "systems" around me. 

Extreme frustration from this mismatch of perception vs maturity is compounded by the fact we don't just 'feel' deeply, it's that we are impacted intensely and so our response will match that impact. 

In my 20s I would feel like my mouth was constantly crushed shut. It took SO long to get what I needed to begin to integrate my potential with its capacity, with the knowledge needed. Now I still experience immediate reactionary impact but from interruptions (which are the absolute worst) of not being focused one-thing-at-a-time, dropping a phone or a computer not doing what it should. But I'm a lot more emotionally stable because: knowledge. 

An encyclopaedia helps. A thesaurus helps. I often still cannot access the exact word (mentally) so I might stutter for a second or go mute. But I know how to search for the definition of a thing and being able to simply identify something properly (not just enough but with precision) brings a feeling of resolution. 

Hopefully this helps. At the heart of this is a matter of desire for resolution or integrated knowledge and the often beyond overwhelming affect of being internally and physically arrested - it's a type of invasive interruption to flow-state, something our Monotropic brains are well designed for. https://monotropism.org/

My son had his own experiences and I've been able to help him find resolve and identify things by 22. A calm, mostly LED free environment with less noise, no harsh VOCs in cleaning agents, and uninterrupted space to practice piano and be really helped as well.

When I was young I broke down in to tears all the time. I cannot express the overwhelming frustration I had being capable of sense-perceiving something yet not being able to access the vocabulary to explain what I could perceive and understand. I would watch adults communicate and exchange socially and sense subtle cruelties and inconsistencies but wouldn't be able to tell you what was happening until I was in my 30s, had a better understanding of the science of philosophy, sociology and psychology. I was 3 or 4. At this age I could sense and "see" systems of physics of but not express what I was comprehending. Autistics are said to be more connected to eternal time rather than linear. And this is what I was sensing: past/present/future all at once. At this age, I would misunderstand things for lack of education. I remember being three and trying to wash the blue off my hands and being in tears over it. I hadn't yet learned about veins, so I was trying to scrub my translucent pinkish skin of its veins! 

I learned to read early and had 2 imaginary friends who I would sing songs to. Music was a comfort - I work in sound now. 

Throughout my life what I desperately needed was access to science, maths, philosophy, psychoanalysis and so on. The more I understood the calmer I became. The more I could expand my vocabulary the better I could articulate these "systems" around me. 

Extreme frustration from this mismatch of perception vs maturity is compounded by the fact we don't just 'feel' deeply, it's that we are impacted intensely and so our response will match that impact. 

In my 20s I would feel like my mouth was constantly crushed shut. It took SO long to get what I needed to begin to integrate my potential with its capacity, with the knowledge needed. Now I still experience immediate reactionary impact but from interruptions (which are the absolute worst) of not being focused one-thing-at-a-time, dropping a phone or a computer not doing what it should. But I'm a lot more emotionally stable because: knowledge. 

An encyclopaedia helps. A thesaurus helps. I often still cannot access the exact word (mentally) so I might stutter for a second or go mute. But I know how to search for the definition of a thing and being able to simply identify something properly (not just enough but with precision) brings a feeling of resolution. 

Hopefully this helps. At the heart of this is a matter of desire for resolution or integrated knowledge and the often beyond overwhelming affect of being internally and physically arrested - it's a type of invasive interruption to flow-state, something our Monotropic brains are well designed for. https://monotropism.org/

My son had his own experiences and I've been able to help him find resolve and identify things by 22. A calm, mostly LED free environment with less noise, no harsh VOCs in cleaning agents, and uninterrupted space to practice piano and be really helped as well.