Published on 12, July, 2020
My 23 year old son has just confessed that he has failed his second year of Uni for the second time. He managed the first year fine. The first time he tried the second year, he couldn’t handle the lack of routine during Covid and the second time he took the second year ie last year, he felt anxiety and suffered panic attacks about the invasion of Ukraine. He has spent what I thought was his third year of uni in halls paid for out of his savings leading us to believe he was managing and completing his third year. He is unable to say what support the uni offered as he stuck his head in the sand. I am waiting to hear back from the uni to see if they can reimburse any money for the next term’s housing costs and also to try to work out what went wrong. I feel shocked and hugely anxious even tho I knew something was wrong. He has lied three times about educational progress - the first time about a history a level he was studying for, the second time about not completing his covid year and now this last year. He obviously cannot handle failure and cannot ask for or accept help. Anybody experienced anything similar? Thanks.
I flunked my first degree, first year was fine but a couple of the 2nd and 3rd year modules were a real problem for me (especially the one where I had to organise and run a health promotion event by myself and write up a full report, obviously everyone else helped their friends out but I didn’t really have any). I passed the 2nd year 2nd time and never passed the 3rd year so I came away with a diploma not a degree. I was undiagnosed (still am tbh) and being 20years ago it didn’t occur to anyone that I may need some sort of assessment or extra help from the uni disability team or whatever they’re called. University is very much self directed in comparison to school. They’re not hovering over your shoulder all the time and although you are expected to reach a certain attendance level in lectures it’s much lower than school. Most of my assignments were done the day or night before which obviously meant the quality was quite poor (actually started the day before, not worked on for a period of time and only completed at the last minute) then there’s the whole being chucked out into the world at the end without a clear purpose. In comparison I got first class honours for my second degree, I was supported by my employer to do it, all the modules were interesting and relevant to the end goal which was a promotion at work. I had study sessions on the rota at work so I used that time to work on assignments, at home there could always be something else to do instead but in a structured time at workI could just focus on the uni work. I’m now working towards starting a doctorate through my employer, support is the key I think, as well as the interest in the subject to stay motivated
That’s fantastic, Guybrush, and certainly gives me hope. My son is intelligent, funny but struggles with some socialisation and the anxiety thing is obviously a big problem. He certainly needs to find something he is interested in to maintain his levels of concentration. Can I ask what line of work you are in?
Hi! Congrats on the degrees and the doctorate! I agree 100% with what you are saying, support and the environment really is key! Of course there are things we can work on in terms of how we handle things but to maximise chance of success it's so important that any external factors we can control are optimised (eg. living situation, environment at uni, support, how the material is delivered, etc etc.). Good luck with the doctorate- I am also starting very soon though I'm somewhat terrified as I am spending the first months abroad with very little support which for me is not ideal at all... but after that I think I couldn't be in a more supportive university or environment (it is the same uni where I did my other degrees so I know it very well and feel at home there).