Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I have 4 year old B/G twins. My daughter is NT, i would say some ''autistic traits'' but nothing that would affect her functioning, just quirks i guess. My son is being assesed for Autism (HF as he is verbal) however his behaviour is somewhat challenging and his twin sister has now realised there are differences and has begun to label him 'naughty'.
I find this quite upsetting and i would desperately like to explain to her they have differences but he is not naughty he just doesnt understand in the same way. To an older sibling i feel this would be a little easier to explain, but how do you explain to a child of the same age?
I try to treat them very fairly and equally but this is an impossible task as their needs are so very different! I have seen many a book but they all seem to start with ''my brother is special''. My daughter would instantly take this as she is not and i just cant do that to her.
Any advice would be so gratefully received, thank you in advance xx
You're welcome. You know her best. I would point out that many autistic children have good eye contact and fabulous imaginations. Autistic children do also initiate play with others but then would have social issues within friendships which may not become apparent until the child gets older and the expectations of social play and friendships become more pressured. Girls with ASC also mimic behaviours from their peers and others.
Both my girls are on the spectrum, they play not only with one another but with others and my youngest who is the most autistic also approaches other children readily to play. Neither of them has reacted extremely to changes in routine, my 8yo has said "you know I don't like it when..." and insisted on some things being done in a certain order on occasion but has not melted down over it. My eldest whinges a bit at changes or unexpected things sometimes but again, doesn't meltdown. Lining up is a form of rigidity which means there are at least one aspect of your daughter's behaviour which is not flexible. If you messed up her line of objects she may react. Licking walls may be a form of pica which is known in children with ASCs.
Premature babies are also 5 x more likely to have autism. So your daughter has high risk factors.
You probably feel that I am pushing this on you, please don't see it that way, it's just that there are a lot of myths and stereotypes about autism out there and girls do not tick all the same boxes as boys. It's just something to bear in mind and not to rule out. I speak from a perspective as a female with AS myself and I also didn't have many blatantly obvious autistic behaviours as a child.